It happened during the night, so I was asleep until it actually happened. But for month prior, I was having palpations. I didn't know what it was and just thought it was because of my anxiety. So I never told anyone.
I was down to BMI 14 and I was about 23 yrs old at the time. (I'm 36 now).
It felt like...imagine a huge butcher knife stabbed into your heart and dragged up and down. It was incredibly painful. I had trouble breathing because the pain was so intense. I also know that because I was on very strong medication at the time to help me sleep, that what I felt wasn't the full extent and that terrifies me because I can't imagine it having been worse.
It lasted what felt like a long time, then it must have eased up and that's when my medication over took the pain and I either fell asleep again or I passed out. I live alone so...yeah.
The next morning I woke up absolutely terrified that I was paralyzed because I remember what had happened but I didn't know at the time it was a heart attack. So it took me nearly an hour to even move a little in bed, like wiggling my fingers and just every where on my body. I wasn't paralyzed thank god but wow. I was very careful with even sitting up because I was so afraid that the pain in my chest would come back. I also was afraid that my chest would look bad like I could see what had cause the pain, but there was nothing. No signs to confirm anything had happened.
So it got into my head, once I found out that I seemed ok, that maybe it didn't happen but I was 50/50 on believing that.
My regular weekly doctor appointment was 2 days later. It was standard for me to get an EKG before each appointment and so when I got one done, it came back showing I'd had a heart attack.
My first actual thought was panic because I didn't want to go to hospital. LoL. I wasn't afraid I'd had a heart attack, I was actually surprised yeah, but all I was worried about was a forced admissions again. I spent 5 nights in the Cardiac ward and was pumped with fluids and a naso tube. It was my first time in that hospital so they let me discharge against medical advice instead of sending me to the eating disorders ward. Plus my mum flew down to stay with me.
Now, everytime I get palpations I need an EKG done because my heart is weaker than it should be but it's hanging in there. I still get minor chest pains which tell me that I'm playing Russian roulette with it happening again and need to be more careful.
If I was to have another heart attack, I doubt my body would survive it. Some people, as you know, don't survive the first so please don't have it happen to you. You don't want a weak heart.
All heart related issues with an eating disorder are serious. No matter your size.
Dam I just wrote you a book LoL.
If you have more questions, I don't mind answering.
I’m glad you’re still here.