Unable to make female friends - Anorexia Discussions - Forums and Community

Jump to content


About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Photo

Unable to make female friends


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 claraistired

claraistired

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 444 posts

Posted 08 June 2021 - 11:27 PM

The title is self-explanatory. I'm somewhat able to hold conversations with men but I have a hard time getting close to girls (even in my own sorority). Part of it is when I hear their suspicions about my disorder behind my back but I was isolated pre-AN so I don't think recovery would honestly make much of a dent if I even wanted to. Midnight emotional post so I probably wrote the wrong word once or twice but whatever


  • Blackbirdd and skinnydreams2212 like this


#2 Anilem

Anilem

    Member

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 46 posts
  • LocationUnited States

Posted 08 June 2021 - 11:47 PM

What’s different between your interactions between guys and girls? Thinking about that might be a good start to understanding why you can manage it with guys but less so with women. I know personally for me I can be intimidated by other girls and compare myself to them which makes building a relationship a little difficult-not to say that this is your situation but I know this can be common. Sometimes to build a friendship you need to be a little vulnerable and trusting to another person-like confiding in them about small things, asking to be invited to events or being the one to initiate plans. If you meet someone that you think you’d enjoy being friends with, you can always make the first move. This tells them that you’re interested in getting closer which is both flattering and indicates vulnerability on your end, which people appreciate. It can be hard, especially if you’re introverted, but in my experience most people are genuinely nice even if they won’t end up being your best friend and that alone makes it worth while to put yourself out there! Good luck :)
  • HelenBones, Blackbirdd and claraistired like this

#3 pastafreak

pastafreak

    Choose your own title! PM Admin or Bibs.

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 12730 posts

Posted 08 June 2021 - 11:57 PM

Most of the sorority girls I know are catty, gossip-y, and clique-y (though maybe your experience is totally different). Perhaps the reason you get along better with guys is because they tend to be chiller and more drama-free? Idk, just a thought


  • whitehorse likes this

#4 teaworkeat

teaworkeat

    Omniscient

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3781 posts

Posted 08 June 2021 - 11:59 PM

Girls have always terrified me.

#5 claraistired

claraistired

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 444 posts

Posted 09 June 2021 - 12:22 AM

Most of the sorority girls I know are catty, gossip-y, and clique-y (though maybe your experience is totally different). Perhaps the reason you get along better with guys is because they tend to be chiller and more drama-free? Idk, just a thought

Yea but the thing about guys is that most of the time, they only talk to me to flirt or they stop talking as much once I bring up my fiance. I love my fiance very dearly and I wouldn't give him up so men would talk to me more but I honestly feel very alone since my fiance is pretty much the only person I talk to in real life when I am not at school. Breaks are honestly miserable for me


  • pastafreak and WithoutMuchHope like this


#6 WithoutMuchHope

WithoutMuchHope

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 549 posts

Posted 09 June 2021 - 01:14 AM

Girls do treat you weird if you're skinny, in my experience they either think you're a bitch or a goddess 


  • magnificentsadness and skinnydreams2212 like this

H: 5'3

SW: 123lbs // BMI 21.7

CW: 115.7lbs // BMI 20.5

UGW: 107lbs // BMI 19.0

 


#7 claraistired

claraistired

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 444 posts

Posted 09 June 2021 - 09:45 PM

Girls do treat you weird if you're skinny, in my experience they either think you're a bitch or a goddess 

Yeah, I heard my sorority say that they "were giving me the benefit of the doubt" so I honestly feel like I'm treading on eggshells. I feel like if I get too close or say one wrong word, I might have an intervention coming my way. Is this paranoia or somewhat justified and how do you get over the fear if it is just unreasonable (please don't say recover because I don't want to).


  • WithoutMuchHope likes this


#8 whitehorse

whitehorse

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 477 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 09 June 2021 - 09:50 PM

I've never gotten on with girls or been able to have a conversation where I feel like I can be myself entirely and not feel judged or something. I literally only have guy friends and I'd rather keep it that way.


  • magnificentsadness likes this

#9 jotarodio19

jotarodio19

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 152 posts

Posted 09 June 2021 - 10:59 PM

i think you just need to find the right girls!! i know girls who are bitchy, rude, and extremely judgmental. we’re not friends. my female friends are kind, supportive, and I feel good about myself around them. i’d try and find people outside of your sorority? clubs are always a good way to meet ppl.

#10 WithoutMuchHope

WithoutMuchHope

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 549 posts

Posted 10 June 2021 - 01:35 AM

Yeah, I heard my sorority say that they "were giving me the benefit of the doubt" so I honestly feel like I'm treading on eggshells. I feel like if I get too close or say one wrong word, I might have an intervention coming my way. Is this paranoia or somewhat justified and how do you get over the fear if it is just unreasonable (please don't say recover because I don't want to).

Okay, I'm not going to recommend recovery (although it is the best option, though as you say, you don't want to), but I'll say that honestly maybe try to find other friends? If they make you feel bad, they aren't for you. 


H: 5'3

SW: 123lbs // BMI 21.7

CW: 115.7lbs // BMI 20.5

UGW: 107lbs // BMI 19.0

 


#11 LydiaAgain

LydiaAgain

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 560 posts
  • LocationUK

Posted 10 June 2021 - 03:22 AM

I really struggle socially so have a hard time talking to everyone and anyone, but it's definitely worse with women.  In my case there are a couple of reasons for this: firstly, I feel women on the whole have better social skills, which makes me feel even more out of my depth.  Secondly, it's illogical and egocentric but with men I know there's a minor chance they find me attractive, and I guess that gives me a bit more confidence.  Only a bit though: I'm still a wreck socially! 



#12 Known2Run

Known2Run

    Member

  • Accountability access
  • PipPip
  • 50 posts

Posted 10 June 2021 - 06:59 PM

I was in a sorority. I look back and I realize they were never really my friends. There was no actual bond. I was kidding myself. But it works for some people. Hind sigh is 20/20.
Started at 164.4
CW: 153.6
GW: 145
Gw: 135
GW: 125

#13 journeyTo100

journeyTo100

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 361 posts
  • Locationuk

Posted 10 June 2021 - 08:07 PM

i was kind of the same and always just labelled it as "internal misogyny" until i discovered that less than 1 % of females have my personality type.


  • Ava Guinevere likes this

5"5 - BMI 20.5

SW: 185lbs  

CW: 124.4 lb 

LW: 124.8 lb (56.6 kg) 

GW 1: 60kg / 132lb

GW 2 : 56.5 kg ( new LW) 

GW 3 : 55 kg ( BMI 20)

UGW: 96 lbs( idk) 

 

 


#14 Ava Guinevere

Ava Guinevere

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 644 posts
  • LocationAustralia

Posted 11 June 2021 - 01:25 AM

i was kind of the same and always just labelled it as "internal misogyny" until i discovered that less than 1 % of females have my personality type.

 

My issue in high school and then adulthood is always, the older I got, the more alien other girls and women got with their personalities and interests. Don't get me wrong, I've met some online but in real life, they and I are just too different for me to form connections with them. 


Oh, wait. I just realized I don't care.


#15 journeyTo100

journeyTo100

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 361 posts
  • Locationuk

Posted 11 June 2021 - 08:19 AM

My issue in high school and then adulthood is always, the older I got, the more alien other girls and women got with their personalities and interests. Don't get me wrong, I've met some online but in real life, they and I are just too different for me to form connections with them. 

 

I find I have common interest but not really common personalities which is why I have female friends not female FRIENDS. 


5"5 - BMI 20.5

SW: 185lbs  

CW: 124.4 lb 

LW: 124.8 lb (56.6 kg) 

GW 1: 60kg / 132lb

GW 2 : 56.5 kg ( new LW) 

GW 3 : 55 kg ( BMI 20)

UGW: 96 lbs( idk) 

 

 



0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users