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I Don’t Think There’s an Out


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#1 jpi332

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Posted 24 June 2021 - 06:31 PM

I saw a Tiktok where someone was posting a waffle they ate after recovering from an Ed. One of the first things I saw was the caloric content, how unhealthy it was, and I figured out that’s how I view food in general though-as a number and moral value.

I thought about how if I ate like that I’d just eat more, I’d always have to restrict some to make sure I stayed healthy, which i know is disordered because somehow others manage, but I don’t think I ever will. In a decade I’ll be counting the calories in my freaking wedding cake, and fasting the day before. I’ll be pregnant with a kid and obsessing to make sure I can stay at the minimum healthy weight. I’ll feel i lack discipline if I eat normally. Genuinely, once this becomes your reaction to seeing food, it seems like getting a brain transplant is the only way to change it. It’s so instinctual and deep rooted.


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#2 flaneur

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Posted 24 June 2021 - 06:49 PM

that’s why i don’t think full recovery is possible. there will always be a part of you that continues to have these disordered thoughts occasionally, but recovery is learning to ignore them because you know that you’re better off without your ed. ive never tried recovery but after being disordered for so long i’d imagine that your ed mindset will always effect how you think and act, even if you consider yourself fully recovered. after living like that for so long, how can it not?
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#3 🐾LostInsideMe🐾

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Posted 24 June 2021 - 07:40 PM

that’s why i don’t think full recovery is possible. there will always be a part of you that continues to have these disordered thoughts occasionally, but recovery is learning to ignore them because you know that you’re better off without your ed. ive never tried recovery but after being disordered for so long i’d imagine that your ed mindset will always effect how you think and act, even if you consider yourself fully recovered. after living like that for so long, how can it not?

nah we are all fucked for life. That waffle was a moment in time for that girl. I’m sure she has some good days and some restrictive days. On and on forever.


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#4 poisonedminds

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Posted 24 June 2021 - 08:28 PM

i dont think anyone with an active ed should have kids


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#5 jpi332

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 08:43 AM

i dont think anyone with an active ed should have kids

I’m not pregnant or planning to be for at least 8 yrs, that was one sentence of what I posted...I was saying hypothetically, in the future, I’d be able to eat enough but still struggling because this is never gonna go away fully. Why do you think they shouldn’t?


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#6 poisonedminds

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 09:11 AM

I’m not pregnant or planning to be for at least 8 yrs, that was one sentence of what I posted...I was saying hypothetically, in the future, I’d be able to eat enough but still struggling because this is never gonna go away fully. Why do you think they shouldn’t?


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You literally said you plan on being pregnant while obsessing over your weight? 

Too many women have kids out of a selfish desire to reproduce, without ever considering their ability to provide for the child. If you're going to go into pregnancy already planning to keep your ED and even restrict throughout it, that's an impossibly selfish thing to do. 

Parents have a responsibility towards their kid and that responsibility includes being as healthy as possible, so that they're able to take care of their kids. Parents with mental illness have kids with significantly worse outcomes, nevermind the effects of malnutrition on an unborn child..

Bringing kids into this world is not a small decision and people need to stop taking it so lightly. Having a child ensures adding more suffering to this world, so if you're not 100% positive that you'll be able to balance that suffering with positive things, then getting pregnant is an incredibly selfish thing to do. 

Here's a study about the impact of ED's on offspring: ''Children of mothers with ED have an increased risk for negative developmental outcomes, including cognitive, social and emotional disturbances (Patel et al. 2002). Research has shown that children of mothers with ED are more likely to develop an emotional disorder at the age of 7 and 10 (Micali et al. 2014a), they are more likely to show neurobehavioural dysregulation early after birth and poorer language and motor development at 1 year (Barona et al. 2017). Furthermore, there is evidence that children of mothers with ED are more likely to develop ED themselves (Kothari et al. 2013).'' - https://link.springe...37-020-01019-x 


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#7 jpi332

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 09:42 AM

You literally said you plan on being pregnant while obsessing over your weight?
Too many women have kids out of a selfish desire to reproduce, without ever considering their ability to provide for the child. If you're going to go into pregnancy already planning to keep your ED and even restrict throughout it, that's an impossibly selfish thing to do.
Parents have a responsibility towards their kid and that responsibility includes being as healthy as possible, so that they're able to take care of their kids. Parents with mental illness have kids with significantly worse outcomes, nevermind the effects of malnutrition on an unborn child..
Bringing kids into this world is not a small decision and people need to stop taking it so lightly. Having a child ensures adding more suffering to this world, so if you're not 100% positive that you'll be able to balance that suffering with positive things, then getting pregnant is an incredibly selfish thing to do.
Here's a study about the impact of ED's on offspring: ''Children of mothers with ED have an increased risk for negative developmental outcomes, including cognitive, social and emotional disturbances (Patel et al. 2002). Research has shown that children of mothers with ED are more likely to develop an emotional disorder at the age of 7 and 10 (Micali et al. 2014a), they are more likely to show neurobehavioural dysregulation early after birth and poorer language and motor development at 1 year (Barona et al. 2017). Furthermore, there is evidence that children of mothers with ED are more likely to develop ED themselves (Kothari et al. 2013).'' - https://link.springe...37-020-01019-x

Agreed, hence why I said I wanted to stay at a minimum *healthy* weight, aka the minimum to not do any damage..... I’m well aware that includes gaining, but there is a range of healthy weights, and yes, I have thought about how I’ll make sure to teach my kids healthy eating from the beginning to minimize any mental risks.

there’s no need to start referring to people as selfish for speculating over their decade ahead hypothetical future.


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#8 Ava Guinevere

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 09:54 AM

Now I know why I deleted my reply. Honestly despite not agreeing with everything, the OP is worth more than having children and the fact is there's enough of a victim blaming mentality when someone is unwell, i.e. planning to restrict while pregnant and so forth without adding someone else to the list of why EDs are unique among mental illnesses ( read: they're not) and somehow it is both all the sufferer's fault but also the ED, so autonomy gets taken away when it's inconvenient.

 

Why- even perfectly recovered which with stone age style treatment compared to other mental health disorders which is funny since mental health is still heavily stigmatized, undertreated and shoved in a closet as a whole anyone would take the chance they'd have a child who happens to inherit their parent's predisposition, who would be treated as many of us are. 

 

Though the ultimate reason not to is a vast majority these people who care about the babies and children don't give a fuck what happens to any child when they get older. There's so many unwanted people in the world without making yourself matter less. And yes, the WHO recently suggested that any woman of childbearing age shouldn't drink alcohol until they are no longer fit to carry out their sole duty.


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#9 jpi332

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 09:58 AM

Now I know why I deleted my reply. Honestly despite not agreeing with everything, the OP is worth more than having children and the fact is there's enough of a victim blaming mentality when someone is unwell, i.e. planning to restrict while pregnant and so forth without adding someone else to the list of why EDs are unique among mental illnesses ( read: they're not) and somehow it is both all the sufferer's fault but also the ED, so autonomy gets taken away when it's inconvenient.

Why- even perfectly recovered which with stone age style treatment compared to other mental health disorders which is funny since mental health is still heavily stigmatized, undertreated and shoved in a closet as a whole anyone would take the chance they'd have a child who happens to inherit their parent's predisposition, who would be treated as many of us are.

Though the ultimate reason not to is a vast majority these people who care about the babies and children don't give a fuck what happens to any child when they get older. There's so many unwanted people in the world without making yourself matter less. And yes, the WHO recently suggested that any woman of childbearing age shouldn't drink alcohol until they are no longer fit to carry out their sole duty.


Wait, can you rephrase this? It’s a bit confusing to read and I really can’t tell who you’re agreeing with or what you’re saying, lol sorry.

Also yeah, saw the WHO thing...that was fucked up, I’m pretty sure the cdc or who had already said that before though so it’s not a surprise, I remember reading an article abt it.


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#10 Ava Guinevere

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 10:08 AM

Wait, can you rephrase this? It’s a bit confusing to read.

Also yeah, saw the WHO thing...that was fucked up, I’m pretty sure the cdc or who had already said that before though so it’s not a surprise, I remember reading an article abt it.


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Probably not very well. I'm... kinda out of it but the gist to the first part is anyone with an ED who has kids is going to cope the victim blaming harder than before- which wouldn't help and that people with eating disorders are generally seen as both in control of the disorder so all the sufferer's fault and not, so your choice and autonomy can be taken away for someone else's benefit.

 

Second part is this has a genetic component and a first degree relative has a high risk of passing on all of the above to a child, whom were they to develop it, would likely be treated very badly. I did forget to add, even completely recovered- you would likely be sidelined by medical professionals if you disagreed with their low recovery odds recovery plan because your former disorder would be used against you as to why you can't help your own child.

 

I am really sorry about the general incoherency.


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#11 jpi332

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 10:25 AM

Probably not very well. I'm... kinda out of it but the gist to the first part is anyone with an ED who has kids is going to cope the victim blaming harder than before- which wouldn't help and that people with eating disorders are generally seen as both in control of the disorder so all the sufferer's fault and not, so your choice and autonomy can be taken away for someone else's benefit.

Second part is this has a genetic component and a first degree relative has a high risk of passing on all of the above to a child, whom were they to develop it, would likely be treated very badly. I did forget to add, even completely recovered- you would likely be sidelined by medical professionals if you disagreed with their low recovery odds recovery plan because your former disorder would be used against you as to why you can't help your own child.

I am really sorry about the general incoherency.

Yeah, I’m concerned about the genetics part, but isn’t that both nurture and nature? I looked it up and apparently only 56% of the risk is genetic, which I guess means it’s only part of the “recipe” for an ED. Somehow I’m the only one in the family with ocd and AN. I’m hoping I can counter act any genetic risk by raising them well, teaching the healthy eating practices, and all of that.

I just wouldn’t want to totally forgo having children, which has honestly been one of the biggest goals of my life, due to genetics, which to be fair I think you won’t find a single person in the world who isn’t a carrier for something, whether that be ASD, diabetes, breast cancer, or whatever. I know that for many women, having a kid isn’t ideal since it’s true that women are often viewed as a “potential baby carrier” all the time, but I’m one of those who are good with kids and love them and it’s the one thing I’m positive I want in life.

During pregnancy, I think I could handle it. If I had a kid, I’d literally die for her, and with a supportive partner who could help me stay accountable for meal planning, I could do it. I looked up a calculator for what weight I would need to be if I had a kid now (which I won’t because I’m way too young) and apparently my 3rd trimester weight range would be 118-130, which isn’t bad at all, and a few months of discomfort would be well worth it.


People seem to be reading that as if I said I would restrict and hurt my child, which I literally never said or implied, and it’s so fucking insane that it’s being twisted like I’m some kind of selfish asshat. I said minimum *healthy* weight for a reason, meaning that which is recommended by doctors (abt 28-40 lbs)




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#12 cattime

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 12:24 PM

It's about understanding why you feel this way, for example why discipline? What would discipline type of eating look like to you? Do you think it only applies to you or others as well? What are the roots to this? Besides this, there is the behavioral part where you need to practice eating and suppress the disordered thoughts. By repeatedly doing this AND reflecting and understanding your reasons, a re-learning process in the brain will happen (slowly, but it does happen) and that way, it is actually possible to overcome these disordered deep-rooted thoughts. Maybe you'll still be someone to whom discipline means a lot, and you'll still be someone who thinks about food and nutrition, eating foods when applicable. However, the feelings will move to "normal" and you'll feel more liberated. It is possible. We all need to start somewhere.



#13 TinyCray

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 01:00 PM

Think about people with agoraphobia: they stay inside bc they fear going outside, but they can make steps to get out of the house and realize their fears make no sense until one day they feel safe both inside and outside their homes.

I guess with ED recovery there’s going to be steps to be made in eating well, having fun in life focusing on non-food topics/ hobbies and the like, realizing they don’t need to obsess over that etc etc until normal eating gets normalized again :)
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#14 ShyButStillHere

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 01:47 PM

I feel like if I did try to recover I would lose all control and ne like 600lbs
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#15 jpi332

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Posted 25 June 2021 - 02:47 PM

I feel like if I did try to recover I would lose all control and ne like 600lbs


For real. I try to remind myself that’s just due to the long restriction. It would level out after we got up to a normal weight and intake.


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