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first time weighing self in 3yrs


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#1 existentialplastic

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 12:47 AM

I was terrified to step on the scale. I've been eating "normally" during the past 3 years except for the past few weeks I've spent relapsing. I hadn't seen my weight since before going IP (average BMI but medically unstable) in 2018 and...

I was at 124lb when I last saw and now I'm at 112lb??? I thought I must have been 130 at least. Body dysmorphia is a bitch. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy but I'm actually pretty anxious about it -- does my gw need to be lower? How could I have been so far off?

Have you every had any huge discrepancies after not weighing yourself for a long period of time? How did you cope with the news?
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#2 cloverhoneyy

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 12:51 AM

Wow! Very interesting. Good that you acknowledge it as body dismorphia.
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#3 Iro

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 02:35 AM

'Have you every had any huge discrepancies after not weighing yourself for a long period of time? How did you cope with the news?'

 

I mean yeah ... but in the other direction. Didn't weigh myself for a solid 1.5 years during recovery. Was admitted at an undereight bmi. First time I weighed myself I was slapped in the face by having to acknowledge I had gained 50 pounds... From an underweight to a slightly overweight bmi... in 1.5 years. That shit crushed me so hard. Relapsed on the spot. So I didn't cope with it

I dunno why I'm writing my bullshit here I'm sorry.

 

I wish you a lot of strength. Take care of yourself


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#4 𝓘𝓼𝓪𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓪

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 02:42 AM

I didn't weigh myself last year from October to January and weighed myself on February. I was 60.5kg and then during those months I ate normally, actually many days binging. To even count xmas holidays where i ate so much. I was in such depressive and stressed mood. I took the courage to weigh myself on February and actually lost and got to 58.5kg, I lost 2kg while I thought i would have gained at least 3.

I was shocked and the first thought was that the scale was broken, i measured myself, weighed on another scale and I did lost. Still was skeptical, but now I think i must actually burn more than what I think I do, otherwise it doesn't explain. I thought my tdee was 1650-1700 and during those times I still logged what I ate and was around 2000-2500 average, with 3000 occasional binges and very few days at 1200-1400. I still lost. Not even maintained. And i still dont believe it...

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#5 Pioumi

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 02:46 AM

Clearly body dysmorphia indeed, that's why - to answer your question - I strongly recommend to not lower your GW...

I know how tempting it is but with such a discrepancy between what you see and feel, and your real weight... It's highly probable that you will still be stuck being unsatisfied at an even lower weight
And once you'll reach it, you'll want to set a lower number again, and again... It has no end

Best advice I can offer: there are ways to improve body dysmorphia, simple exercises and tests you can do at home, therapy (one on one, but also therapy with horses for example) --- I wish you it helps :)
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[last edited: July 2021]


#6 Cocaincowgirl

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 06:02 AM

Oh my god, I can relate sooo much. I still havent weighed myself, I've relapsed 3 months ago and I can only guess my own bmi. its terrifying. I'm going on a three week trip and 

I made a packt with myself to weigh myself after. I'll let you know how it went. I did go down two jean sizes though and still feel huge. so theres that. 


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#7 existentialplastic

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 07:13 AM

'Have you every had any huge discrepancies after not weighing yourself for a long period of time? How did you cope with the news?'

I mean yeah ... but in the other direction. Didn't weigh myself for a solid 1.5 years during recovery. Was admitted at an undereight bmi. First time I weighed myself I was slapped in the face by having to acknowledge I had gained 50 pounds... From an underweight to a slightly overweight bmi... in 1.5 years. That shit crushed me so hard. Relapsed on the spot. So I didn't cope with it
I dunno why I'm writing my bullshit here I'm sorry.

I wish you a lot of strength. Take care of yourself


Last time I had a break from weighing "in recovery" I was actually 170, BMI ~30, when I got back on the scale (hello, last relapse) so I KNOW that feeling. You take care too.
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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became

#8 existentialplastic

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 07:15 AM

I didn't weigh myself last year from October to January and weighed myself on February. I was 60.5kg and then during those months I ate normally, actually many days binging. To even count xmas holidays where i ate so much. I was in such depressive and stressed mood. I took the courage to weigh myself on February and actually lost and got to 58.5kg, I lost 2kg while I thought i would have gained at least 3.

I was shocked and the first thought was that the scale was broken, i measured myself, weighed on another scale and I did lost. Still was skeptical, but now I think i must actually burn more than what I think I do, otherwise it doesn't explain. I thought my tdee was 1650-1700 and during those times I still logged what I ate and was around 2000-2500 average, with 3000 occasional binges and very few days at 1200-1400. I still lost. Not even maintained. And i still dont believe it...


Bodies are soooo weird. I know at one point I was eating nearly 4000kcal daily in refeeding process because I was still losing on anything below that. Where is that metabolic rate when I need it!
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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became

#9 existentialplastic

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 07:18 AM

Oh my god, I can relate sooo much. I still havent weighed myself, I've relapsed 3 months ago and I can only guess my own bmi. its terrifying. I'm going on a three week trip and
I made a packt with myself to weigh myself after. I'll let you know how it went. I did go down two jean sizes though and still feel huge. so theres that.


I definitely feel like the anxiety of not knowing can cause one to spiral, too. If it's "worst case scenario", I want to at least know. If it's not, then I also want to know!

Stay safe and have a nice trip!

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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became

#10 existentialplastic

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 07:24 AM

Clearly body dysmorphia indeed, that's why - to answer your question - I strongly recommend to not lower your GW...

I know how tempting it is but with such a discrepancy between what you see and feel, and your real weight... It's highly probable that you will still be stuck being unsatisfied at an even lower weight
And once you'll reach it, you'll want to set a lower number again, and again... It has no end

Best advice I can offer: there are ways to improve body dysmorphia, simple exercises and tests you can do at home, therapy (one on one, but also therapy with horses for example) --- I wish you it helps :)

You're absolutely right that my perception is so skewed that adjusting gw is not going to help. I have a weird relationship with weight and my ED anyway where, while it's definitely *a* factor, it's not my primary motivator for disordered eating. Controlling intake (through restricting and purging) gives me such a huge sense of peace. The weight loss is more... An outward indicator that everything's fucked? A metric of success? Even competitive at times. I've done a lot of therapy over the last 20-some years of having an ED with limited success in this realm, unfortunately.

Thank you for being a voice of reason.

look who failed at recovery again

they/them || she/her


stats

Spoiler


And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became

#11 Lilypad0

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 08:18 AM

So the last time I saw how much I weighed, I was around 130 in 2019. That killed me on in the inside but I lived with it and tried my hardest not to let it get to me. Then I relapsed at the end of March this year and started weighing myself in April, turns out that I had lost 7lbs and I was so happy because I thought I was in the mid-130's


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#12 Sugar_Witch

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 09:46 AM

When I moved out of my parents house and lived on my own, I didnt have a scale for like 4 years. At that point I thought I was one of the lucky naturally skinny girls who didnt have to watch what they ate. I was skinny and loved it.

4 years later I got a scale because I needed to weigh suitcases often, out of curiousity I weighed myself.

I was 20 pounds heavier than I thought.
Seeing that number was a cold reality check. Im not naturally skinny, Im getting fat just like everyone else, I have to lose this weight NOW before anyone realizes how fat I am.

#13 Pioumi

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Posted 22 July 2021 - 01:02 PM

You're absolutely right that my perception is so skewed that adjusting gw is not going to help. I have a weird relationship with weight and my ED anyway where, while it's definitely *a* factor, it's not my primary motivator for disordered eating. Controlling intake (through restricting and purging) gives me such a huge sense of peace. The weight loss is more... An outward indicator that everything's fucked? A metric of success? Even competitive at times. I've done a lot of therapy over the last 20-some years of having an ED with limited success in this realm, unfortunately.

Thank you for being a voice of reason.


I'm sorry you've been dealing with that for so long, I'm in the same boat and can clearly relate...
Though weight loss is definitely more central in my ED I do understand what you mean, I felt it for months at my LW!
I'll take the opportunity to feel strangely optimistic right now to wish you to keep hoping to find one day the key that will help you, to at least make your daily life easier
:)

Stats

Currently fluctuating around BMI 12.5

Height: 5'6 (168 cm)

 

Lowest BMI: 10.1

 

UGW: recovered?

 

[last edited: July 2021]



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