Cycle 2, Day 8
Breakfast: few spoons of peanut butter
Lunch: skinny flat white, slice of bread
Dinner: Grilled BBQ wings
snack: protein shake
total intake: Approx 637 cals
Exercise: HIIT run -279 cals, + SWEAT Upper body workout -205 cals
Notes: A lot has happened over the past 2 days so here we go.
I was getting increasing depressed and spiralling, and becoming an all time mess. I spoke to my GP who signed me off from work due to depression for 2 days. That kicked from today.
I don't know if you've listened to my first podcast episode, but it tells the story of a girl who paints people naked. I used a friend from work as one of the characters, not thinking she would listen to the podcast. She did. She wasn't happy as we weren't friends at the time that I wrote the story, and I was mean in her description. Yesterday during work she messaged saying that she couldn't believe I could be so vindictive and do that to her. I explained that I wrote the story at a time that we didn't like each other and that's where my description came from. I video called her, as I wanted to speak to her face to face, and she was crying. My heart broke. I never intended to hurt her and I should have given her a warning before the episode went live. I immediately took the episode down, and right after work, did the 1 hour and a half journey with a box of Dunkin Donuts to her house to apologise. She was really surprised and touched that I'd made the effort to visit, and we chit chatted and had a lovely time. I still don't believe I've done enough as I must have really hurt her, and the fact that I made her cry will always haunt me. I'm never uploading anything that features someone I know, without giving them the heads up first.
By the time I got home, I'd been gone about 4 hours due to the journey time, and there was no way I was leaving puppy alone again, so I didn't go to the gym. I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and felt like a piece of shit.
This morning, I sent my manager my sick note and logged off for the next two weeks. I plan to spend it focusing on getting underweight as I'm only about 5kg away which is nothing. I'm also going to focus on my Podcast, and on applying to new jobs. I managed to get my podcast up on Apple, Spotify, Google and Stitcher. I recorded a trailer this morning and replaced the horrific episode with the trailer instead. When puppy goes to sleep later, I will record a different story and upload that.
I actually made it to the gym this morning since I wasn't working. I did my run, and then did upper body. There was a woman at the gym who MUST have been a model. She was training with a PT, was tall and had that skinny but toned aesthetic that I am dying for. There was also another girl who was quite bony and looked underweight, on the stair master except she was barely moving on it, and watching a video for the entire time that I was running. I couldn't help but stare and wish I had her legs.
After the gym, I came home, sorted out my trailer, then met my mum with puppy and we went out to to a cafe. She had a loaf of bread with her and I was SO HUNGRY given that I hadn't eaten and had gone gym, that I asked for a plain slice and ate it. It was 117 cals. Then we went to get her car washed and went to an outdoor restaurant. The only safe food I could identify on the menu were BBQ wings as they were grilled. I ordered a portion of 6 and declined the chips, had it with diet cola. I ate that around 4:30pm and I'm still full from it so will count it as dinner.
I haven't weighed in as I've been so stressed, and my weight was basically maintained for like 4 days. I'll get back on it tomorrow and update you.
The links to my podcast are as follows:
It would mean the world to me if you could leave a review and rating ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡ as thats how the algorithm boosts the podcast.
Anyway, I'm gonna go record the first story to post it. Tomorrow will be full body day at the gym along with another HIIT run. I'm going to have protein shake at the gym, then fast until dinner where I will have steak, sweet potato fries, and veg. It'll come up to about 600-700 cals which is fine.
That's all from me! Speak soon Xx