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Wishing you were child free so that you can be selfish again?


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#1 Wastedx

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Posted 21 August 2021 - 08:22 PM

I love my daughter but damn sometimes I just wish I hadn't gotten pregnant because I want to be selfish and have my bulimia but I feel guilty choosing bulimia over my own child.

I want her to have a good life and I am trying so hard to choose recovery in order to be a good mom for her but I really don't want to. I don't want to be recovered.

I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my child and I don't want her struggling with this shit for her entire life too.

Does anyone else feel this struggle?

It's so easy when it's pulling me under.

#2 char-t

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Posted 27 August 2021 - 12:59 PM

Omg I totally get how you feel.
I also have a daughter and I wouldn't change her for the world but yes I sometimes wonder how different I'd be if I hadn't gotten pregnant
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#3 TheMadGoth

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Posted 05 September 2021 - 11:47 AM

During the first 2 years of my child's life I felt this a lot. I think a lot of it had to do with depression, too. It's gotten better for me, and now I can't imagine life without my child. Your feelings are completely normal, and nothing to feel bad about.
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#4 Nextoctober

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Posted 21 September 2021 - 06:22 AM

I love my daughter but damn sometimes I just wish I hadn't gotten pregnant because I want to be selfish and have my bulimia but I feel guilty choosing bulimia over my own child.

I want her to have a good life and I am trying so hard to choose recovery in order to be a good mom for her but I really don't want to. I don't want to be recovered.

I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my child and I don't want her struggling with this shit for her entire life too.

Does anyone else feel this struggle?


I could've written this myself. I've no words of wisdom but you are definitely not alone ♡
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#5 PeachesAndCurls

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Posted 29 September 2021 - 03:14 PM

I just want to have the freedom I used to. Having a baby changes everything. And as someone who struggles with binging and major restricting episodes, being at home all of the time is absolute hell. I will binge on anything we have just to feel good but really I feel like shit afterwards and all the while, I'm cooped up in this house that doesn't change. 

 

Quite different than my previous lifestyle full of traveling and meeting new people and stuff. It's just kind of a culture shock. 


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PAUSED FOR PREGNANCY

resumed.

"If you drink enough Vodka, it tastes like love."

 

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what the fuck happened to me.

 

tumblr_n7y39v7pDx1r794c2o1_500.gif


#6 noaudience

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Posted 17 October 2021 - 02:40 AM

Yep...I'm finding it harder now that my baby is starting to eat solids.

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Height: 5'6

HW - 150

LW - 89

CW - 105.4

GW1 - 130

GW1 - 120

GW2 - 110

GW3 - 100

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UGW - 80


#7 TooMuchAdiposeTissueYUCK

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Posted 17 October 2021 - 11:55 AM

Yes absolutely. I have 3. And my restricting episodes didn't happen until after my second. And the bulimia after my 3rd. It is so hard to find the time. It's like I binge and I have to rush to purge. I can't focus on it like I need to.

It is so freaking hard. Because children require so much attention. They eat ALL day. I love my children dearly. They are so sweet.

I definitely don't want them struggling with this. And purging while they are home is so hard because I never want them to hear my. One of my daughters asked me one day as I came out of the bathroom if I had been throwing up.

My heart dropped, my blood ran cold. I was so shocked because I was so sure I had been quiet. I just told her I wasn't feeling well and that was all.

Ultimately I began to stop doing it for a while and boy did the weight gain come. And now the urge to purge is back so full force. And now I play music or a TV show. But that's always in the back of my mind. Always.

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Height: 5'5''

HW :unsure: : 216 (post preggo)

LW :) : 140.1 (been a fata** forever)

CW: 180.9

GW1: 160   GW2: 140 GW3: 120

UGW1: 110

UGW2: 100

UGW3  :D : 95

 

 

 



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