Sophia's Ana Diary - Member Diets - Forums and Community

Jump to content


About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Photo

Sophia's Ana Diary

diet accountability

  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 30 August 2021 - 08:25 PM

new diary started in accountability: https://www.myproana...3-dollys-diary/


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#2 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 31 August 2021 - 01:46 PM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 2 (9/4/2021)

 

Weight: 94.6 lbs

BMI: 16.0

Intake: 510 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 510 cals

Food Diary: coffee, vanilla yogurt, granola, zoodles, oatmeal+maple syrup, coconut water

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

i wish i wasn't dealing with insomnia right now, it would make restriction so much easier, but oh well. Having a 260 calorie bowl of granola was a mistake, but it's so hard to resist!! Fingers crossed i get through today without binging. So far I feel okay. I'm starting to get the "restriction high" again.

 

here's a recent body check as well. I believe the scale read 96.0 lbs when I took it. I'm 5'4 1โ„2. I absolutely hate my arms and thighs, they make me look like i'm in the mildly thin BMI range, not anorexic. :-( 

 

body check 8/30/2021

Spoiler


  • numblebee likes this

Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#3 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 05 September 2021 - 06:49 AM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 3 (9/5/2021)

 

Weight: 93.6 lbs

BMI: 15.8

Intake: 510 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 510 cals

Food Diary: coffee, vanilla + strawberry cheesecake yogurt, oatmeal+maple syrup, watermelon gum, zoodles, coconut water

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

i'm so tired omg. i'm getting like 3 hours of sleep per night. i even took 50 mg of benadryl to help but i ended up just laying in bed even more tired, still unable to shut my brain off. i'm starting to think this is being caused by my new medication, which sucks because it's the only thing that gives me motivation. also started experiencing a mild relapse in symptoms, which is probably being caused by my lack of sleep. i think i'm gonna get a prescribed sleep aid because this sucks lol. 


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#4 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 06 September 2021 - 11:53 AM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 4 (9/6/2021)

 

Weight: 94.0 lbs

BMI: 15.9

Intake: 542 cals

Burned: -50 cals

Net: 492 cals

Food Diary: coffee, vanilla + strawberry cheesecake yogurt, oatmeal+maple syrup, zoodles, watermelon gum, fiber one brownie, kaju sangam

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

one of my guy friends is suddenly giving me a bunch of attention. turns out it's because he wants me to be his girlfriend. it's a little annoying, because i feel like he doesn't value our friendship. he barely spoke to me before he thought he could get with me romantically. i'm not even interested in him like that, but he keeps going on about how cute we'd be together, how he'd be the perfect man, etc. i might have returned his feelings if i felt like there weren't ulterior motives at hand. 


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#5 life_of_fabiola

life_of_fabiola

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 495 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 06 September 2021 - 12:20 PM

 

 Dear Diary:

one of my guy friends is suddenly giving me a bunch of attention. turns out it's because he wants me to be his girlfriend. it's a little annoying, because i feel like he doesn't value our friendship. he barely spoke to me before he thought he could get with me romantically. i'm not even interested in him like that, but he keeps going on about how cute we'd be together, how he'd be the perfect man, etc. i might have returned his feelings if i felt like there weren't ulterior motives at hand. 

 

Arrrggg that fucking sucks i understand you. When a situation like this happens, we no longer feel comfortable with the person and we always have the impression that their intentions are not honest. I hope he'll understand you just want to be friend and not be weird about it.


  • psychicrexie likes this

sw:165lbs

cw:100lbs

gw:99lbs AHA

gw:90lbs

height:5ft2.25

ED Instagram : life.of.fabiola
Accountability

 


#6 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 07 September 2021 - 05:14 PM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 5 (9/7/2021)

 

Weight: 94.0 lbs

BMI: 15.9

Intake: 962 cals

Burned: -50 cals

Net: 912 cals

Food Diary: coffee, kaju sangam, veggie straws, fiber brownies, coconut water

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

my arms look visibly more thin this morning. I feel smaller even though the scale's number hasn't gone down. I took a lax tea this afternoon so that should help remove the extra weight messing with my results. i'm starting to think this is where i should stop losing weight, but that damn tiktoker i like is BMI 15.5. I feel like I need to at least get down to 92 lbs. 


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#7 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 08 September 2021 - 07:19 PM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 6 (9/8/2021)

 

Weight: 94.0 lbs

BMI: 15.9

Intake: 720 cals

Burned: -28 cals

Net: 692 cals

Food Diary: coffee, kaju sangam, fiber brownie, blackberries, granola, strawberry cheesecake yogurt, zoodles, strawberry kiwi water, watermelon gum, cantaloupe.

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

i had a really shitty day. i just want it to be over already. why isn't my weight going down??


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#8 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 09 September 2021 - 12:47 PM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 7 (9/9/2021)

 

Weight: 93.2 lbs

BMI: 15.7

Intake: 1160 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 1160 cals

Food Diary: coffee, blackberries, granola, strawberry cheesecake yogurt, Oatmeal+maple syrup, zoodles

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

I'm FINALLY BACK UNDER 94.0 lbs!! ugh, i hate plateaus. i'm officially 1.2 lbs away from my gw. I meant to restrict today, but i've been feeling really unmotivated and apathetic. I still think I look fat in my arms and legs, but my appetite has increased recently. I think I'll start restricting again tomorrow. I have no excuse not to--all my safe foods are in stock, i just can't keep my hands off the granola (as usual). ._. Let's see, what's new? I should probably explain why yesterday sucked. I went on a road trip with my friend. we hiked up the dunes. I felt awful afterwards: light headed and nauseous. I made an excuse not to eat out and bring my own lunch, but i still ended up having to eat some cantaloupe to not look suspicious. Also, my friend's parents were there, and her dad told me to smile and made it this big deal? Like, I suffer from a blunted affect. it's part of my illness. I was kinda annoyed with him and wanted to tell him, but i also don't like embarrassing people (even though he totally embarrassed me). I spent all day trying to be *emotionally expressive* and i STILL had to deal with his rude comments. :/ This isn't even the first time an older adult has told me to smile. Like my shrink did this to me just a couple months ago. i don't get it. i don't mean to make people uncomfortable but i literally can't help my face and it's starting to become an insecurity. 


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#9 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:14 PM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 8 (9/10/2021)

 

Weight: 93.2 lbs

BMI: 15.7

Intake: 518 cals

Burned: -17 cals

Net: 501 cals

Food Diary: coffee, strawberry cheesecake yogurt, oatmeal w/ maple syrup + blueberries, peach nectarine juice, coconut water, vanilla yogurt + blueberries, zoodles

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

God i wish i was back in school. I shouldn't have taken this semester off. i'm bored out of my mind, and all my job applications have been rejected. So much for saving up over Fall and Winter. I've also stopped my meds because the insomnia was unbearable. i'm hoping to get some sleeping pills prescribed on the 15th during my next psych appointment. 


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#10 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 11 September 2021 - 11:25 AM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 9 (9/11/2021)

 

Weight: 94.2 lbs

BMI: 15.9

Intake: 1200 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 1200 cals

Food Diary: coffee, rice cakes with chive and onion cream cheese, chocolate chip cliff bars, pickles

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

this dumb bitch ate her maintenance calories in one sitting and now has to fast the rest of the day. fuck. :)

        


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#11 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 12 September 2021 - 02:58 PM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 10 (9/12/2021)

 

Weight: 93.4 lbs

BMI: 15.8

Intake: 505 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 505 cals

Food Diary: coffee, rice cakes with chive and onion cream cheese, rice cakes with garlic salt, mixed berry yogurt, zoodles, blueberries

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

i'm so bored. i'm home alone with my older brother because my parents have left. what am i supposed to do with my time? it makes restriction so much harder because i have nothing to distract myself with. i suppose i could always talk to angels. i've been hearing the voices of children lately and i sometimes wonder if they're dead. 


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#12 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 13 September 2021 - 06:03 AM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 11 (9/13/2021)

 

Weight: 94.0 lbs

BMI: 15.9

Intake: 1200 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 1200 cals

Food Diary: coffee, rice cakes with garlic salt, strawberry yogurt, vanilla fudge ice cream, vanilla caramel ice cream

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

I'm feeling really down today. I'm so disgusted by my body, and my weight isn't going down. I use my BMR as my TDEE just to be safe, and i'm still not seeing results. If 3,500 calories=1 lb i should be 92.6 lbs now based on my restriction these pasts five days. :( So why am i not seeing results? My arms look huge it's disgusting. I keep clawing at them in the mirror, pulling the skin back to make them look smaller. Same with my thighs. Body dysmorphia sucks. I look fatter than I did last week despite restricting. My mom noticed my weight loss at least. I'm gonna do another lax tea tonight and pray i'm under 93.0 lbs tomorrow. until then i just wanna hide in my room and never be seen. i've already gone back to wearing sweat pants and a giant hoodie because i can't stand seeing myself.

 

bodycheck 9/12/2021

Spoiler


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 


#13 psychicrexie

psychicrexie

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 154 posts

Posted 14 September 2021 - 09:33 AM

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

DAY 12 (9/14/2021)

 

Weight: 92.6 lbs

BMI: 15.6

Intake: 1200 cals

Burned: 0 cals

Net: 1200 cals

Food Diary: coffee, vanilla fudge ice cream, vanilla caramel ice cream, strawberries, cheerios, rice cake w/ chive and onion cream cheese, granola

d8qsx4t-155b141b-740c-47c3-98e0-cda9aa7a

Dear Diary:

I felt okay about my body this morning. I think i'm gonna keep maintaining. I'm proud of myself for eating at my BMR instead of binging this month. I'm not losing any progress this way. I know I could easily be at my UGW in 10 days or so if I wanted. I just don't know if I should lose any more weight now. I was reading a lot into the health problems caused by anorexia and it kinda scared me. It really upsets me that i lost my period. I'm gonna purchase a bottle of multivitamins when my parents get home because my nails have started showing signs of iron deficiency. Not gonna lie I cried when I saw some were bending. I also had a small episode yesterday. It was triggered by lack of sleep I think. I was trying to talk to God and just got the same awful responses I did last year during my first break. I cried again. i cry too much. i'm really sensitive even though irl i act tough, put together, girly. in reality i'm usually a bum, too tired to get dressed or shower, constantly unmotivated and drowning in anhedonia. My brother is visiting this weekend at least. i'm excited. I feel like he's the only one who didn't start treating me differently after my diagnosis--probably because he has his own psychotic disorder. we relate a lot when it comes to our experiences with mental illness.


Relapsed 11/23/21

paranoid schizophrenia | anorexia mirabilis 

Spoiler

 




Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: diet, accountability

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users