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my shitty poetry(?) < this question mark exists because i'm certain this doesn't even begin to qualify as poetry


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#1 P_J

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Posted 03 September 2021 - 09:13 PM

A place to save my poems that may or may not make any sense. 



#2 P_J

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Posted 03 September 2021 - 09:15 PM

stupid girl

 

please try to understand 

that I begged you to stop

I opened my mouth and asked you, when I can’t even open my mouth to eat

and you told me no

you wouldn’t stop

you wouldn’t even try

When I finally understood that you couldn’t 

and when I decided I didn’t deserve it

you were the one begging. 

and now it’s my turn to tell you no. 

See how you like it. 

it’s no fun. 



#3 P_J

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Posted 03 September 2021 - 09:18 PM

I'd like an answer please

 

I do not speak

Do not ask me a question 

When you wish to receive an in depth answer

I cannot give you one, though I have the words

My lips should stay shut 

I know that, and if I could explain, you would understand too

I'd tell you that they help my insides away from the outside 

I like my insides messy, the outside is too clean. 

My thoughts are mine

And not worth sharing 

Regardless

I cannot speak

There is a weight on my tongue that can only be lifted by authority

and fingers down my throat

Strangling me from the inside 

Until bile spews instead of the contents of a dictionary 

But I like it like this 

I like my mouth sewn shut and my eyes wide open

And my brain saying everything I cannot.



#4 P_J

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Posted 03 September 2021 - 09:25 PM

Open door policy

 

My parents no longer trust me at home 

They saw my pain etched into my arms and now they find it easy to say no to closed doors

Now the glass knob of my door is always cold.

 

They don’t like me alone

I am always alone. 

In this body it is just me

So what does it matter if my door is closed

I could just close my eyes and it would be the same.

 

They think I might kill myself

But I could do that in any room

A knife in the kitchen 

Pills in the bathroom 

The breakable mirror in the hall

Rafters and a rope in the basement 

The tub in the attic

Gasoline and a lighter in our driveway 

The faulty window screen in my younger brother’s bedroom

So who cares if my door is closed?

 

They could never listen to me explain this

They don’t like me to say what I’m thinking

They want to get me fixed so that I no longer walk into a room and search for the quickest escape route. 

There always is something in every room. 

 

There is a list on Wikipedia with every method of suicide

Maybe one day I will invent a new way 

And then they will be proud 

Because I will be known for something other than cutting



#5 P_J

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Posted 03 September 2021 - 09:31 PM

bake something

 

They like my safety plan

we had a good laugh over it

I wrote that if I wanted to hurt myself, I would bake. 

As if I wouldn’t just turn the stove on

and press the soft pad of my hand onto the metal grates until it melts straight through.  

But they liked my plan, so who cares if i'm suicidal

at least i'm safely suicidal 




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