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Constipated from vibrating dildo?


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#61 MonsterEnergyTears

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:26 PM

These threads... this is why I'm still here. I laughed for a good 5 minutes

Fuck sugar free ketchup.
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#62 wakawaka

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:28 PM

omg


ULckJR.png

                                                  


#63 SpongebobZeroPants

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:35 PM

honey do an enema before anyth anal 

 

Ohhhhhh---- thanks for explaining this, I am pretty hazy today and did not realize it was anal. I had thought it was vag, because I only ever hear weird x-large dildo stories linked to vag stuff (does this say something about the type of people I tend to encounter? lol)... and I was like, but...:

1. having a 12-inch long vagina would be a medical anomoly - most are closer to 6 inches, so what in the world do you need with one this long, unless it is double-sided?

2. whhyyyy would this have caused this crisis medical reaction to lower intestine?? like what kind of internal physical wall trauma and strange unnecessary backwards pressure activity does that represent?... the mental acrobatics involved broke my brain temporarily

 

---

So I now realize of course that this OP and reply are several months old, so thanks so much for the archive bump and looks like OP is banned or semi-banned anyway, but my meandering point being:

 

In b4 lock!  (or block, as the case may be....)

 

---

Somebody help us out and please link to the 'Did I get pregnant from oral sex and was peed on' story (unsure if that's 1, or 2 stories), cuz I'm shocked and disturbed there's classic MPA reading I still haven't seen!

 

--

I know mods hate these and usually end up locking, but fuck I need good distractions that are happier and not purely trainwrecks, and so I do hope for my own sake there's a lot of decent shitposting before this gets locked.

 

 

Also, I'd like to take a moment to honor the beautiful fact that this is one thread on the webosphere, where 'shitposting' actually would not truly be off-topic, and would actually be in keeping with the OP.... cue angel music from the heavens above.............

 

---

P.S. I saw a guy at a bar stick his dick in his 8ft pet python's mouth on a dare, while a bunch of guys held up the snake and there were bets placed. Spoiler alert: those at the bar who bet that the result would be the guy going to the hospital won the pool.

 

I have seen a lot of weird shit in my life, which makes me wonder what exactly I have been doing with my time in all these years.

While we're on the subject of anatomy stories that no one actually ever needed to see or hear about that both function as an effective PSA, and also were not needed as a PSA for the majority of people, because like, duh, common sense...... 

 

 

RIP to OP's colon tho. 


  • Junko Enoshima likes this

I am trying hard to stay medically stable, after having caused permanent multiple organ damage, and losing everything I loved in my life to ED.

 

Did you know?:

 

*Female bodies generally require a minimum 1200cal/day; Males, 1800cal/day; just to have basic organ function (can require a lot more if tall and/or athletic).

*800 cal/day or less is considered medical starvation.

*The definition of high restriction is no more than a few hundred cals below TDEE. The definition of low restriction is generally anywhere between your BMR (likely at least 1200 cal/day), and high restriction. So for a person who when healthy has a TDEE of 2000 cal/day, high restriction is about 1600-1950, and low restriction is about 1200-1600. With patience, it is very possible to increase your TDEE so you can eat a lot more without gain.

*Eating less harms metabolism and shuts down systems. Eating more than the bare minimum can make metabolism work faster, and also help you feel way better. Low restriction is not necessary, is counterproductive, often leads to binges, and is super dangerous. It also causes the body to eat muscle and bone faster, which frequently leads to heart failure, osteoporosis, and seizures, among other things.

*The brain requires at least 130g of carbs at minimum, per day, just to function. And that is assuming you're not doing a ton of exercise, or very tall or muscular, or in other ways burning through the stores more quickly. Eating less than that, risks not only your intelligence, but causes more anxiety, BDD, depression, makes it very hard to think clearly and make reasonable decisions (including regarding the ED), and risks your organs failing because the brain is responsible for telling each of them what to do. It can also lead to dizziness, coordination, and speech and language problems. 

*You train your brain how to think, and your body how to act, with repetitive behaviors. Repeating healthy thoughts and behaviors every day makes being healthy get a lot easier. Repeating unhealthy thoughts and behaviors every day, makes getting better a lot harder.

*Malnutrition biologically causes depression, anxiety, and OCD behaviors like ED to get way worse. The brain needs carbs, healthy fats, B vitamins, Vit. D, calcium, and magnesium, among other things, to be able to think straight and feel happy. Getting enough of each, can make ED symptoms lessen in whole lot in time.

*Drinking around 96 oz. water/day, getting in daily balanced electrolytes and a multivitamin, and eating just a little bit of a wide range of foods and types of nutrients, can reduce likelihood for organ failure and seizures.

*The longer you stay in ED, the more severe your behaviors need to be to get the same results. It gets way harder over time, not easier, to hit goals.

*ED damage is cumulative, and each relapse gets increasingly more dangerous.

*Pro-ana content makes people sadder.

*ED makes everything in life worse, and does not solve problems. Building a wide range of stress management skills is a much better option, that also has longer-lasting results.

*Recovery might feel rough for a year, or a year and a half, but will feel awesome then for the rest of your life. Harm reduction is way better than nothing! Each day we get to live, is a new day to start over and try again.

*A majority of people with ED recover fully eventually. You can get there! The sooner you try, and commit fully to it though, the easier it is and the more likely it is to be permanent. It is easier if you don't have brain/organ damage yet. Keep trying! You deserve to be happy and healthy. <3


#64 SpongebobZeroPants

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:44 PM

anigif_sub-buzz-2254-1613607143-17_previ

 

Some good viewing while you wait....

 

 

576469896_1920x1080.jpg


I am trying hard to stay medically stable, after having caused permanent multiple organ damage, and losing everything I loved in my life to ED.

 

Did you know?:

 

*Female bodies generally require a minimum 1200cal/day; Males, 1800cal/day; just to have basic organ function (can require a lot more if tall and/or athletic).

*800 cal/day or less is considered medical starvation.

*The definition of high restriction is no more than a few hundred cals below TDEE. The definition of low restriction is generally anywhere between your BMR (likely at least 1200 cal/day), and high restriction. So for a person who when healthy has a TDEE of 2000 cal/day, high restriction is about 1600-1950, and low restriction is about 1200-1600. With patience, it is very possible to increase your TDEE so you can eat a lot more without gain.

*Eating less harms metabolism and shuts down systems. Eating more than the bare minimum can make metabolism work faster, and also help you feel way better. Low restriction is not necessary, is counterproductive, often leads to binges, and is super dangerous. It also causes the body to eat muscle and bone faster, which frequently leads to heart failure, osteoporosis, and seizures, among other things.

*The brain requires at least 130g of carbs at minimum, per day, just to function. And that is assuming you're not doing a ton of exercise, or very tall or muscular, or in other ways burning through the stores more quickly. Eating less than that, risks not only your intelligence, but causes more anxiety, BDD, depression, makes it very hard to think clearly and make reasonable decisions (including regarding the ED), and risks your organs failing because the brain is responsible for telling each of them what to do. It can also lead to dizziness, coordination, and speech and language problems. 

*You train your brain how to think, and your body how to act, with repetitive behaviors. Repeating healthy thoughts and behaviors every day makes being healthy get a lot easier. Repeating unhealthy thoughts and behaviors every day, makes getting better a lot harder.

*Malnutrition biologically causes depression, anxiety, and OCD behaviors like ED to get way worse. The brain needs carbs, healthy fats, B vitamins, Vit. D, calcium, and magnesium, among other things, to be able to think straight and feel happy. Getting enough of each, can make ED symptoms lessen in whole lot in time.

*Drinking around 96 oz. water/day, getting in daily balanced electrolytes and a multivitamin, and eating just a little bit of a wide range of foods and types of nutrients, can reduce likelihood for organ failure and seizures.

*The longer you stay in ED, the more severe your behaviors need to be to get the same results. It gets way harder over time, not easier, to hit goals.

*ED damage is cumulative, and each relapse gets increasingly more dangerous.

*Pro-ana content makes people sadder.

*ED makes everything in life worse, and does not solve problems. Building a wide range of stress management skills is a much better option, that also has longer-lasting results.

*Recovery might feel rough for a year, or a year and a half, but will feel awesome then for the rest of your life. Harm reduction is way better than nothing! Each day we get to live, is a new day to start over and try again.

*A majority of people with ED recover fully eventually. You can get there! The sooner you try, and commit fully to it though, the easier it is and the more likely it is to be permanent. It is easier if you don't have brain/organ damage yet. Keep trying! You deserve to be happy and healthy. <3


#65 SpongebobZeroPants

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:49 PM

This may help get things moving

 


I am trying hard to stay medically stable, after having caused permanent multiple organ damage, and losing everything I loved in my life to ED.

 

Did you know?:

 

*Female bodies generally require a minimum 1200cal/day; Males, 1800cal/day; just to have basic organ function (can require a lot more if tall and/or athletic).

*800 cal/day or less is considered medical starvation.

*The definition of high restriction is no more than a few hundred cals below TDEE. The definition of low restriction is generally anywhere between your BMR (likely at least 1200 cal/day), and high restriction. So for a person who when healthy has a TDEE of 2000 cal/day, high restriction is about 1600-1950, and low restriction is about 1200-1600. With patience, it is very possible to increase your TDEE so you can eat a lot more without gain.

*Eating less harms metabolism and shuts down systems. Eating more than the bare minimum can make metabolism work faster, and also help you feel way better. Low restriction is not necessary, is counterproductive, often leads to binges, and is super dangerous. It also causes the body to eat muscle and bone faster, which frequently leads to heart failure, osteoporosis, and seizures, among other things.

*The brain requires at least 130g of carbs at minimum, per day, just to function. And that is assuming you're not doing a ton of exercise, or very tall or muscular, or in other ways burning through the stores more quickly. Eating less than that, risks not only your intelligence, but causes more anxiety, BDD, depression, makes it very hard to think clearly and make reasonable decisions (including regarding the ED), and risks your organs failing because the brain is responsible for telling each of them what to do. It can also lead to dizziness, coordination, and speech and language problems. 

*You train your brain how to think, and your body how to act, with repetitive behaviors. Repeating healthy thoughts and behaviors every day makes being healthy get a lot easier. Repeating unhealthy thoughts and behaviors every day, makes getting better a lot harder.

*Malnutrition biologically causes depression, anxiety, and OCD behaviors like ED to get way worse. The brain needs carbs, healthy fats, B vitamins, Vit. D, calcium, and magnesium, among other things, to be able to think straight and feel happy. Getting enough of each, can make ED symptoms lessen in whole lot in time.

*Drinking around 96 oz. water/day, getting in daily balanced electrolytes and a multivitamin, and eating just a little bit of a wide range of foods and types of nutrients, can reduce likelihood for organ failure and seizures.

*The longer you stay in ED, the more severe your behaviors need to be to get the same results. It gets way harder over time, not easier, to hit goals.

*ED damage is cumulative, and each relapse gets increasingly more dangerous.

*Pro-ana content makes people sadder.

*ED makes everything in life worse, and does not solve problems. Building a wide range of stress management skills is a much better option, that also has longer-lasting results.

*Recovery might feel rough for a year, or a year and a half, but will feel awesome then for the rest of your life. Harm reduction is way better than nothing! Each day we get to live, is a new day to start over and try again.

*A majority of people with ED recover fully eventually. You can get there! The sooner you try, and commit fully to it though, the easier it is and the more likely it is to be permanent. It is easier if you don't have brain/organ damage yet. Keep trying! You deserve to be happy and healthy. <3


#66 Pandoras-Box

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 03:58 PM

shit yet?


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#67 SpongebobZeroPants

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 04:23 PM

Pretty sure this was someone from MPA's doing:

 

When animal welfare officers received a report of an unusual animal lurking in a tree in the Polish city of Krakow, they were not sure what to expect.

 

"People aren't opening their windows because they're afraid it will go into their house," the woman reportedly said.

But a visit to the area showed the creature in question was not a bird, or even a reptile - but a croissant.

The Krakow Animal Welfare Society said the incident was genuine.

Writing on Facebook, the organisation said its officers had asked the desperate caller whether the unidentified animal, which had been in the tree for two days, could be a bird of prey.

The woman responded that it looked more like a "lagun" - similar to "laguna", Polish for lagoon - before remembering the correct word "legwan", or iguana.

 

_97415642_007_in_numbers_624.png

Although the inspectors knew that it was unlikely that a reptile would survive the cool spring temperatures in the southern Polish city, they wondered if the animal could have been an unwanted pet abandoned by its owners.

Arriving on the scene, however, the inspectors found the headless and limbless object in a lilac tree - a pastry, probably thrown out of a window to feed birds.

The organisation remained light-hearted about the encounter and said the public should continue to err on the side of caution and report any concerns about animal welfare.

 

 

https://www.bbc.com/...europe-56757956


I am trying hard to stay medically stable, after having caused permanent multiple organ damage, and losing everything I loved in my life to ED.

 

Did you know?:

 

*Female bodies generally require a minimum 1200cal/day; Males, 1800cal/day; just to have basic organ function (can require a lot more if tall and/or athletic).

*800 cal/day or less is considered medical starvation.

*The definition of high restriction is no more than a few hundred cals below TDEE. The definition of low restriction is generally anywhere between your BMR (likely at least 1200 cal/day), and high restriction. So for a person who when healthy has a TDEE of 2000 cal/day, high restriction is about 1600-1950, and low restriction is about 1200-1600. With patience, it is very possible to increase your TDEE so you can eat a lot more without gain.

*Eating less harms metabolism and shuts down systems. Eating more than the bare minimum can make metabolism work faster, and also help you feel way better. Low restriction is not necessary, is counterproductive, often leads to binges, and is super dangerous. It also causes the body to eat muscle and bone faster, which frequently leads to heart failure, osteoporosis, and seizures, among other things.

*The brain requires at least 130g of carbs at minimum, per day, just to function. And that is assuming you're not doing a ton of exercise, or very tall or muscular, or in other ways burning through the stores more quickly. Eating less than that, risks not only your intelligence, but causes more anxiety, BDD, depression, makes it very hard to think clearly and make reasonable decisions (including regarding the ED), and risks your organs failing because the brain is responsible for telling each of them what to do. It can also lead to dizziness, coordination, and speech and language problems. 

*You train your brain how to think, and your body how to act, with repetitive behaviors. Repeating healthy thoughts and behaviors every day makes being healthy get a lot easier. Repeating unhealthy thoughts and behaviors every day, makes getting better a lot harder.

*Malnutrition biologically causes depression, anxiety, and OCD behaviors like ED to get way worse. The brain needs carbs, healthy fats, B vitamins, Vit. D, calcium, and magnesium, among other things, to be able to think straight and feel happy. Getting enough of each, can make ED symptoms lessen in whole lot in time.

*Drinking around 96 oz. water/day, getting in daily balanced electrolytes and a multivitamin, and eating just a little bit of a wide range of foods and types of nutrients, can reduce likelihood for organ failure and seizures.

*The longer you stay in ED, the more severe your behaviors need to be to get the same results. It gets way harder over time, not easier, to hit goals.

*ED damage is cumulative, and each relapse gets increasingly more dangerous.

*Pro-ana content makes people sadder.

*ED makes everything in life worse, and does not solve problems. Building a wide range of stress management skills is a much better option, that also has longer-lasting results.

*Recovery might feel rough for a year, or a year and a half, but will feel awesome then for the rest of your life. Harm reduction is way better than nothing! Each day we get to live, is a new day to start over and try again.

*A majority of people with ED recover fully eventually. You can get there! The sooner you try, and commit fully to it though, the easier it is and the more likely it is to be permanent. It is easier if you don't have brain/organ damage yet. Keep trying! You deserve to be happy and healthy. <3



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