ive always been skinny and being fat/normal weight just doesnt feel right. plus now ive gotten obsessed with pushing the weight further and further down just to see how far i can go
why dont you want to be fat?
Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:05 PM
1.) I don’t like being judged, anytime I’m at a weight outside my comfort zone I feel like everyone is looking at me and my thunder thighs, they can judge me all they want for being too skinny, any other weight no
2.) seeing the excess fat on my body makes me feel lazy, useless, pathetic, unfit, the list goes on, I get too self conscious.
3.) Being skinny makes me feel more powerful, brave, and sort of an elite group, it sounds stupid that being a bag of bones makes me feel like a better human being but it does
4.) this one I’ve thought of before, I don’t want people to struggle carrying my coffin, I want to be light as a feather
5.) I don’t want to take up any more space on this earth than I need to, and don’t want my parents wasting money on food for me
Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:09 PM
clothes don't look good or fit well
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Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:14 PM
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Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:06 PM
♡♡♡ if flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow, there is hope for me. ♡♡♡
Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:18 PM
Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:25 PM
Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:57 PM
Because doctors are generally fatphobic, and I want them to actually treat my health conditions/disabilities rather than labelling me as 'fat' and sending me away.
Because I love the feel of my hipbones when I'm skinny
Because I usually have more choice when thrift shopping when I'm skinny
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Posted 10 September 2021 - 07:58 PM
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Posted 10 September 2021 - 08:13 PM
well, i just think that if i gain weight my chest will stick out and idk i feel like i would be sooo sexualized in a bigger body, idk if i gain i feel more like a "woman" and for some reason that makes me really uncomfy
Posted 11 September 2021 - 05:26 PM
Well bold of you to assume that my eating disorder is primarily about my body size.
There is a very complex connection between past abuse and eating disorders.
1) It can make you feel like you have your body/control back. One of the worst things about sexual assault is that it makes you feel the most horrible powerlessness and loss of control, and it can make you feel like your body isn't yours/doesn't belong to you anymore. During a sexual assault you don't have control of what goes into your body or how your body is reacting, and eating disorders are the opposite of that - you control everything that goes into your body, and you can feel greater control over how it functions and responds. Thus, it eases that sense of powerlessness and alienation from your body. This can be especially severe for people who experienced involuntary arousal from their assault (more common than people think) or people who suffered more severe medical consequences of their assault.
2) A lot of sexual assault survivors want to make themselves seem hideous, especially to the opposite sex, so that they won't attract any sexual attention. I can tell you from experience that being hit on after sexual assault can be...confusing and frightening. At least personally, I wanted to be as unattractive as possible, because I felt that if I was attractive enough to get hit on, it was more likely that I could be raped again. This is an irrational train of thought (rape/assault have little to do with attraction and more to do with power), but it can be very compelling when you're traumatized. Starving yourself causes your boobs/ass/hips/etc (all thought of as being the more sexually attractive parts of the body) to disappear; and, given societal bias/stigma against seeing fat people as attractive, binge eating until you gain a ton of weight can make a survivor feel safer as well.
3) There's the element of self-hatred, too. A lot of survivors blame themselves for "letting" their assault happen, which results in self-loathing - or they can hate their body for responding to rape in a way the survivor didn't like, or even for attracting the rapist in the first place. Punishing yourself/your body by not giving yourself any food, not allowing yourself to enjoy food, harming your body with B/Ps or binges, or even slowly killing yourself through ED behaviours...these can all be expressions of the self hatred and guilt that some survivors feel.
An additional, less common one that I feel I should mention, too, is that the act of eating or purging can trigger survivors. I personally had a period of time where I couldn't tolerate having anything but water (which I drank begrudgingly), because swallowing food or liquids triggered memories of my assault, and sometimes I couldn't even make myself swallow and would choke (and that was even more triggering). Purging (by shoving fingers down the throat) can be a kind of repetition compulsion, where a survivor compulsively reenacts or triggers memories of the assault in a way that they have control over, in order to try and process it.
I hope that makes sense.
I really appreciate you for posting this. xxx
My ED is almost 100% about the horrific physical assaults I went through from my father as a child. feeling so unsafe, unable to protect my body, always being the 'bad' worthless one, (even when I hadn't done anything) whose body deserved to be punched, chocked, stabbed and burned. Unless I am perfect now, I can't get away from that feeling, I can't feel like I deserve to feel good in my body. I wish I could heal that. but I can't and there is no point in weight restoration when I know the root problem will always live with me.
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Posted 11 September 2021 - 05:28 PM
it's a mix of: i'd look more feminine and systemic and societal fatphobia.
basically, i'm worried how other people would view me.
「sw/hw」 117 lbs ✧ 53 kg ✧ 8 st 5 ✧21.4 bmi
「cw」 103.0 lbs ✧ 46.7 kg ✧ 7 st 5 ✧ 18.7 bmi
「ugw」 70 lbs ✧ 32 kg ✧ 5 st ✧ 13 bmi
「lw」 6 lbs 10 oz
†『5'2 ✧ 158 cm』†
† tumblr †
† accountability †
Posted 11 September 2021 - 06:08 PM
I used to be fat and I hated how I looked - I looked disgusting. I'm actually happy with how I look now tbh
"if I can't be beautiful, I'd rather just die" -Jeffree Star
Current Bmi: 15 (101 lbs)
Goal Bmi: 13 (87 lbs)
Highest: 175 lbs (bmi 27)
Lowest: 98 lbs (bmi 15)
[Rae , 30 yrs old]
loves 80's rock n roll , punk, and rap. Obsession for mob movies, concerts and casinos
Anorexic with bulimic tendencies (laxative abuse)
ED survivor of 21 years
Domestic violence survivor of 12 years
Recovering crack and alcohol addict
Suicide Survivor of 3 attempts
Rest in peace my boyfriend Brian 02/07/2020 Please keep me safe from heaven.. I love you...
Posted 11 September 2021 - 06:33 PM
my family, when i was younger (from like 10-14) my family would constantly comment on what i ate and would say i was eating too much, too unhealthily and that i was going to get fat. i'd rather not be judged by them all the time
Posted 11 September 2021 - 06:34 PM
I live in the U.S.A where like 40% of people are obese. It’s gross. Standing out from the crowd and being skinny is nice, and frankly, it looks good. I don’t care what anyone says. Skinny looks good.
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CW: 111 lbs
GW: 100 lbs
LW: 95 lbs
HW: 126 lbs
Posted 11 September 2021 - 07:47 PM
I hate having big boobs and being thin helps lose a bit from my boobs. And it's not even that I dont like how they look - I think they look attractive on anyone else. What I hate is the kind of attention they bring, and the back pain.
Posted 11 September 2021 - 07:58 PM
Obese people struggle to do simple things like sit up or reach their feet. They have these folds that grow yeast of not washed frequently. They have frequent aches and pains from too much weight being on their skeletal system.
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