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why dont you want to be fat?


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#41 stardust-angel

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 04:49 PM

ive always been skinny and being fat/normal weight just doesnt feel right. plus now ive gotten obsessed with pushing the weight further and further down just to see how far i can go


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#42 Emilyxo

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:05 PM

I never really thought of my actual reasons but here goes nothing,
1.) I don’t like being judged, anytime I’m at a weight outside my comfort zone I feel like everyone is looking at me and my thunder thighs, they can judge me all they want for being too skinny, any other weight no
2.) seeing the excess fat on my body makes me feel lazy, useless, pathetic, unfit, the list goes on, I get too self conscious.
3.) Being skinny makes me feel more powerful, brave, and sort of an elite group, it sounds stupid that being a bag of bones makes me feel like a better human being but it does
4.) this one I’ve thought of before, I don’t want people to struggle carrying my coffin, I want to be light as a feather
5.) I don’t want to take up any more space on this earth than I need to, and don’t want my parents wasting money on food for me
Once again on my road to self destruction 🤦‍♀️

#43 poiuytr

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:06 PM

I don't think anyone wants to be fat.


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#44 magnificentsadness

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:09 PM

clothes don't look good or fit well


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#45 ECANAX

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 05:14 PM

I hate the way i look
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#46 ♡ jade sea ♡

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:06 PM

i feel very uncomfortable and hyper aware of every place on my body that has fat. it makes me feel awful about myself and very insecure around others.

 if flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow, there is hope for me. 

 

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#47 SkinnyOakTree

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:18 PM

I know if I gain weight, my body will look more feminine. That scares the shit out of me and it'll worsen my dsyphoria. Like I'm just trying to look how I want but unfortunately that requires to be somewhat very under weight

#48 sparklingwaterhoe

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:25 PM

I think for me it’s because i really care what other people think of me. And the popular opinion surrounding weight seems to be that the thinner you are the better you are to a certain extent. I just want people to think i’m pretty.

#49 horror_girl

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 06:57 PM

Because doctors are generally fatphobic, and I want them to actually treat my health conditions/disabilities rather than labelling me as 'fat' and sending me away.

 

Because I love the feel of my hipbones when I'm skinny

Because I usually have more choice when thrift shopping when I'm skinny


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#50 Inthedollhouse

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 07:58 PM

I was fat and it was horrible. I felt awful (tired, sore, sluggish, stomach ache 24/7) and looked awful too.
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#51 serotonana

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Posted 10 September 2021 - 08:13 PM

well, i just think that if i gain weight my chest will stick out and idk i feel like i would be sooo sexualized in a bigger body, idk if i gain i feel more like a "woman" and for some reason that makes me really uncomfy



#52 Perfection-Obsession

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 05:26 PM

Well bold of you to assume that my eating disorder is primarily about my body size.

There is a very complex connection between past abuse and eating disorders.

 

1) It can make you feel like you have your body/control back. One of the worst things about sexual assault is that it makes you feel the most horrible powerlessness and loss of control, and it can make you feel like your body isn't yours/doesn't belong to you anymore. During a sexual assault you don't have control of what goes into your body or how your body is reacting, and eating disorders are the opposite of that - you control everything that goes into your body, and you can feel greater control over how it functions and responds. Thus, it eases that sense of powerlessness and alienation from your body. This can be especially severe for people who experienced involuntary arousal from their assault (more common than people think) or people who suffered more severe medical consequences of their assault. 

 

2) A lot of sexual assault survivors want to make themselves seem hideous, especially to the opposite sex, so that they won't attract any sexual attention. I can tell you from experience that being hit on after sexual assault can be...confusing and frightening. At least personally, I wanted to be as unattractive as possible, because I felt that if I was attractive enough to get hit on, it was more likely that I could be raped again. This is an irrational train of thought (rape/assault have little to do with attraction and more to do with power), but it can be very compelling when you're traumatized. Starving yourself causes your boobs/ass/hips/etc (all thought of as being the more sexually attractive parts of the body) to disappear; and, given societal bias/stigma against seeing fat people as attractive, binge eating until you gain a ton of weight can make a survivor feel safer as well. 

 

3) There's the element of self-hatred, too. A lot of survivors blame themselves for "letting" their assault happen, which results in self-loathing - or they can hate their body for responding to rape in a way the survivor didn't like, or even for attracting the rapist in the first place. Punishing yourself/your body by not giving yourself any food, not allowing yourself to enjoy food, harming your body with B/Ps or binges, or even slowly killing yourself through ED behaviours...these can all be expressions of the self hatred and guilt that some survivors feel. 

 

An additional, less common one that I feel I should mention, too, is that the act of eating or purging can trigger survivors. I personally had a period of time where I couldn't tolerate having anything but water (which I drank begrudgingly), because swallowing food or liquids triggered memories of my assault, and sometimes I couldn't even make myself swallow and would choke (and that was even more triggering). Purging (by shoving fingers down the throat) can be a kind of repetition compulsion, where a survivor compulsively reenacts or triggers memories of the assault in a way that they have control over, in order to try and process it. 

I hope that makes sense.

I really appreciate you for posting this. xxx 

 

My ED is almost 100% about the horrific physical assaults I went through from my father as a child. feeling so unsafe, unable to protect my body, always being the 'bad' worthless one, (even when I hadn't done anything) whose body deserved to be punched, chocked, stabbed and burned. Unless I am perfect now, I can't get away from that feeling, I can't feel like I deserve to feel good in my body. I wish I could heal that. but I can't and there is no point in weight restoration when I know the root problem will always live with me.  


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#53 anarchy-boy

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 05:28 PM

it's a mix of: i'd look more feminine and systemic and societal fatphobia.

 

basically, i'm worried how other people would view me.


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#54 PaperThinGangster

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 06:08 PM

I used to be fat and I hated how I looked - I looked disgusting. I'm actually happy with how I look now tbh


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#55 lunalovexoxo

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 06:33 PM

my family, when i was younger (from like 10-14) my family would constantly comment on what i ate and would say i was eating too much, too unhealthily and that i was going to get fat. i'd rather not be judged by them all the time


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#56 CrimsonRose28

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 06:34 PM

I am truly sorry if I offend anyone but I think fat looks gross. When I see someone that is fat I automatically assume they are lazy and have no self control… and I don’t want that for myself.
I live in the U.S.A where like 40% of people are obese. It’s gross. Standing out from the crowd and being skinny is nice, and frankly, it looks good. I don’t care what anyone says. Skinny looks good.
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#57 Whatwillthedemonsthink

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 07:01 PM

I want to take up as little space as possible

#58 Legend27

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 07:47 PM

I have been treated better when I was thin than fat. People made judgments about my lifestyle when I was fat that were unfair and untrue.
I hate having big boobs and being thin helps lose a bit from my boobs. And it's not even that I dont like how they look - I think they look attractive on anyone else. What I hate is the kind of attention they bring, and the back pain.

#59 GonnaLoseIt

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 07:58 PM

Let me guess. Nurse?

Obese people struggle to do simple things like sit up or reach their feet. They have these folds that grow yeast of not washed frequently. They have frequent aches and pains from too much weight being on their skeletal system.



#60 oh2belovely

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Posted 11 September 2021 - 09:00 PM

I look so bad and lazy. It makes me feel disgusting and super self conscious about how others view me
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