My kids are both under 10. I’m 41 and started my family a bit late. I know they are worried but they don’t technically know. I have numerous health conditions already. I want to watch them grow up so I know I need to get my shit together. I get SO ANGRY at myself that I can’t just flip the switch and turn it off and start eating again. Being “normal”. Then that anger turns to more restricting and punishing my body because I blame it for failing.
That's really hard. Thank you for sharing. It's so easy to blame ourselves for not being able to just "snap out of it". I relate so much to the restricting harder and punishing yourself, too.
I was young when we started our family. Intentionally so, and there were definitely benefits to that. My husband died some years ago now (the kids were 13, 16, and a few days shy of 18). The oldest has three girls of her own now, who I adore, and I don't want them to worry either. But like you, I can't just flip the switch. I feel like such a hypocrite when the oldest is upset because some mean kid at school says she's fat, and I tell her she's healthy and strong and beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. I believe every word I say to her. But I'm completely incapable of applying that to myself.