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Feminism, body positivity & ED

feminism; feminist; positivit

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#1 Julzy

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Posted 13 October 2021 - 04:41 PM

Hi People!

 

I think I'm here more to vent and trying to not get too judge about the title topics....

 

One of the things I've been struggling the most the past month is how my ED goes against everything I belive and speak for.

I'm a feminist and a truly believe of body positivity/body freedom.

 

I realy think our bodies should not aim to please other people, and our appearances should be the feature that matters the least.

 

I believe that the thin bodies are society weapons to fragilize people, in various ways...

 

I'm soooo against all that.... so against of one deny yourself the pleasure of eating in sake of looking thinner. Or depending on the scale number to feel more confident...

 

And here I am.... fighting my body, my desires, letting the numbers decide my level of unhapiness for the day...

 

I feel a complete fraud. Both sides. 

 

Anyone else really believe all bodies can be beautiful, but don't aply that to yourself? Anyone else here feels that we should't try to get our confidence from being more thin, but still celebrates when the scale goes down?

 

I don't understand why I can't aply my beliefs to my own body and perception of myself....


  • cryingboy01, anniebunnie and beast_of_burden like this

1,55 m (5'1")

CW: 41,5 kg (91.6 lbs)

BMI: 17.3

 

LW: 40,5 (89.2 lbs)

GW1: 46 kg (101.4 lbs)

GW2: 44 kg ( 97 lbs)

UGW: 40 kg (88.1 lbs)

 

[entry='64bZm3.png '][/entry]


#2 beast_of_burden

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Posted 13 October 2021 - 05:15 PM

I feel this so deeply, the cognitive dissonance between how I treat my body and how I think others should be treated makes me feel even more disgusted with myself than I already am


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#3 anniebunnie

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Posted 13 October 2021 - 05:45 PM

i am a literal activist and i've spoken about body positivity and anti-racism so much,, and here i am. anorexic and trying to be pale bones. ugh. i hate myself.


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she/they/them

 

5'2.5

sw, hw, pre-ed: 125 ~ bmi 21.4

cw: boob haha ~ bmi boob

lw: 65 ~ bmi 11.5

ugw: 58 ~ bmi 10.3

 

6dc5bff3b2b6b20acf1ad01ff6840e63.jpg

 

goals:

 

collarbones <3

thigh gap

bony wrists <3

ribs when relaxed

sharp jawline <3

fingers around middle of arm <3

fingers around upper arm

cheekbones <3

bony knees

chest bones

hip bones

sunken eyes <3


#4 Julzy

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Posted 13 October 2021 - 11:05 PM

That's one of the most hard things of the whole thing to me....

 

I feel like such a hypocrite.... "do as I say, but don't do what I do"...

And I imagine if other people look at me and think I'm lying about what I belive...

 

All my life I encouraged my friends so much to use bikinis, crop tops, short shorts without caring to other people looks, comments, or whatever!

I've always made sure they knew they were beautiful exactly how they are. And that's not because I'm their friends!! It's because is tre truth! It's what I see.

 

But now, that I'm struggling so much with my ED, I feel so ashamed of even trying to be positive around them, cause probably sounds fake af...

 

Me, all my life saying how society is opressive, controling of women bodies... how we should burn gossip & similar magazines that promote all that bulshit... And here I talk about thin inspo, I share tiktok/instagram low cal recipes....

I really can't accept my brain is fried like that....


  • anniebunnie likes this

1,55 m (5'1")

CW: 41,5 kg (91.6 lbs)

BMI: 17.3

 

LW: 40,5 (89.2 lbs)

GW1: 46 kg (101.4 lbs)

GW2: 44 kg ( 97 lbs)

UGW: 40 kg (88.1 lbs)

 

[entry='64bZm3.png '][/entry]


#5 SomewhereOutThere

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Posted 13 October 2021 - 11:11 PM

Yupppp this is me. I truly believe in body positivity and all the things you are talking about

And then I relapsed on ed


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#6 Barefoot In The Garden 👣

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Posted 14 October 2021 - 10:39 AM

But.....the thing is, you should be looking at yourself with love and compassion, flaws and and all. You have to grant yourself and your body the same dignity and respect you would grant a person that struggles with being overweight. We all have our issues. And being a true feminist is understanding that, I think.
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#7 Julzy

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Posted 14 October 2021 - 06:32 PM

But.....the thing is, you should be looking at yourself with love and compassion, flaws and and all. You have to grant yourself and your body the same dignity and respect you would grant a person that struggles with being overweight. We all have our issues. And being a true feminist is understanding that, I think.

 

I don't disagree with you. And I'm 100% positive we all have issues.

The thing for me is: I've always preached is no matter how your body is, you have the right to be accepted, loved, without needing to change anything!

And, here I am.... counting calories of every little thing, because all the suddently I don't accept my normal body... 20 or 30 lbs hevier than I'm now...

 

I know I have to be more loving and compassionate with myself... and recognizing what I (we) have is a mental illness... Is less about the body, and more about control.

But, it's still hard to accept that I fear gain weight.... that I relate that, at this moment, to be a failure. And it's not what I belive.... I don't belive gaining weight is bad.... But, it is, for me, in my mind, right now....  :(


1,55 m (5'1")

CW: 41,5 kg (91.6 lbs)

BMI: 17.3

 

LW: 40,5 (89.2 lbs)

GW1: 46 kg (101.4 lbs)

GW2: 44 kg ( 97 lbs)

UGW: 40 kg (88.1 lbs)

 

[entry='64bZm3.png '][/entry]


#8 kiutgly

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Posted 15 October 2021 - 08:52 AM

Hi Julzy

I had this conversation with myself a couple of months ago when I was relapsing like I never did before, and my conclusion from personal experience is that I'm sick, lol. I don't judge people based on their appearance and I can't care less about another person weight. For me, this illness is the best way I had to cope with trauma and I just focus on destroying myself, make myself the most little fragile thing so nobody can hurt me again. I truly don't care about being beautiful and I don't find myself beautiful when I'm sick.
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#9 Julzy

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Posted 18 October 2021 - 09:27 AM

Hi Julzy

I had this conversation with myself a couple of months ago when I was relapsing like I never did before, and my conclusion from personal experience is that I'm sick, lol. I don't judge people based on their appearance and I can't care less about another person weight. For me, this illness is the best way I had to cope with trauma and I just focus on destroying myself, make myself the most little fragile thing so nobody can hurt me again. I truly don't care about being beautiful and I don't find myself beautiful when I'm sick.

 

Yeah.... that makes a lot of sense to me. For me is not about becoming more desireble or beautiful.

It's way more about being in control and cause me pain, so I don't feel other pains so much, if that makes any sense....

But, a part of me finds I'm more accepted thin than a little bit havier. When I was in my highest weight, I remember this pressure for explaining or justifing why I gained weight... and me having to defend myself and tell people I was ok with it (until I was not).

 

Now, I'm underweight and most of people just accept that as normal.... It's really weird how society views weight gain as "sign of somethin wrong", and loss as something good...


1,55 m (5'1")

CW: 41,5 kg (91.6 lbs)

BMI: 17.3

 

LW: 40,5 (89.2 lbs)

GW1: 46 kg (101.4 lbs)

GW2: 44 kg ( 97 lbs)

UGW: 40 kg (88.1 lbs)

 

[entry='64bZm3.png '][/entry]


#10 diglettmankey

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Posted 25 October 2021 - 10:56 AM

Yeah.... that makes a lot of sense to me. For me is not about becoming more desireble or beautiful.

It's way more about being in control and cause me pain, so I don't feel other pains so much, if that makes any sense....

But, a part of me finds I'm more accepted thin than a little bit havier. When I was in my highest weight, I remember this pressure for explaining or justifing why I gained weight... and me having to defend myself and tell people I was ok with it (until I was not).

 

Now, I'm underweight and most of people just accept that as normal.... It's really weird how society views weight gain as "sign of somethin wrong", and loss as something good...

 

It's due to the obesity crisis that people see loss as something good, unless you start to look unhealthy to them.  Then people start to panic.

 

Yeah my therapist always talks about body positivity and it's hard as I am overweight now.  I lost 25 lbs last summer and she's furious at that as she just wanted me to eat my meals and maintain.


5'6 

HW (non-pregnancy): 217 lbs after IP

LW: 115 lbs before IP

UGW: 150 lbs


#11 Barefoot In The Garden 👣

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Posted 25 October 2021 - 12:13 PM

It's due to the obesity crisis that people see loss as something good, unless you start to look unhealthy to them.  Then people start to panic.
 
Yeah my therapist always talks about body positivity and it's hard as I am overweight now.  I lost 25 lbs last summer and she's furious at that as she just wanted me to eat my meals and maintain.


I don't know. I remember after my first pregnancy, at my 6 week check-up, my doc poked my stomach and said, "what's this?" I had only gained 12 pounds during the whole pregnancy and was no where near close to being overweight. On the other hand, my husband had a pregnancy belly, hard as a rock, the unhealthiest type of fat you can have. No one ever told him to lose weight until he had heartattcks and quadruple bypass surgery. I think it is directed at women way more than men. Women need to be petite, small, and weak. Men need to be big and strong, even if that big includes being unhealthy.
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#12 diglettmankey

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Posted 26 October 2021 - 10:54 AM

I don't know. I remember after my first pregnancy, at my 6 week check-up, my doc poked my stomach and said, "what's this?" I had only gained 12 pounds during the whole pregnancy and was no where near close to being overweight. On the other hand, my husband had a pregnancy belly, hard as a rock, the unhealthiest type of fat you can have. No one ever told him to lose weight until he had heartattcks and quadruple bypass surgery. I think it is directed at women way more than men. Women need to be petite, small, and weak. Men need to be big and strong, even if that big includes being unhealthy.

 

Yeah I had a problem with my ob/gyn getting after me for gaining too much weight.  Then I had to remind her about my anorexia hospitalization.

 

Oh I'm sure it's more directed towards women, you're right.


5'6 

HW (non-pregnancy): 217 lbs after IP

LW: 115 lbs before IP

UGW: 150 lbs



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