If you don't post pics...why?
Posted Yesterday, 06:13 AM
Posted Yesterday, 07:55 AM
Posted Yesterday, 08:28 AM
I dont want to be recogniced by anyone I know. I've always been pretty transparent about my other mental health problems but when it comes to my eating disorder i dont want anyone to know
Posted Yesterday, 08:41 AM
i posted a bmi guess once and it was a bad experience, regret it. i posted my face once as well and got a lot of support but ultimately i regret it. Its for privacy reasons and the fact im insecure about my whole self
Posted Yesterday, 11:10 AM
I've always been paranoid of posting any kind of pictures of myself online, even if they're in professional context. So I'd never post pictures of myself on sites like these lol.
Posted Yesterday, 11:19 AM
Posted Yesterday, 01:13 PM
Sometimes I really want to - but that is the ED and severely insecure part of my brain telling me to do that. So far, I am able to resist.
I am a big privacy person so I don't do things like post actual photos of myself to ANY social media. I have sent a few nonsexual nontriggering pics in PM, only if I'm talking to someone a long while, but to an outside photo host link with no location tags or anything, and then I have always deleted it soon after.
I can't live with myself being used as thinspo or in any other way to trigger others. Also, I sometimes feel a strong urge to publicly shame myself if I've eaten or god forbid gained a kg or something - but I don't really want to be fatspo either. I also think I am extraordinarily ugly, and it gives me no pleasure to have pics taken of me, nor to have others have to see them. I really wish we could exist on a plane that was entirely mental, and have the physical part of our identities cease to exist altogether. So the last thing I'd want to do is glorify the physical, say "omg look at my external self! this represents me!!!" Like no, it does not. I feel like the outside of me has nothing to do with the inside of me, and who I am as a person, whatsoever.
On a more political note, I also truly despise image-obsessed and materialistic culture, and selfie/social media culture has proven to be excessively toxic to humanity - and has particularly been used in a sexist, classist, and oppressive way to keep everyone indoctrinated and self-hating and buying stupid shit they don't need. If it is artful, stripped down of all but the essential reality, honest, truly meaningful or unusual, I like it. But 99% of it is fakery, deceit, and vapid nonsense that makes us all dumber both to look at, and to participate in ourselves.
I am trying hard to stay medically stable, after having caused permanent multiple organ damage, and losing everything I loved in my life to ED.
Did you know?:
*Female bodies generally require a minimum 1200cal/day; Males, 1800cal/day; just to have basic organ function (can require a lot more if tall and/or athletic).
*800 cal/day or less is considered medical starvation.
*The definition of high restriction is no more than a few hundred cals below TDEE. The definition of low restriction is generally anywhere between your BMR (likely at least 1200 cal/day), and high restriction. So for a person who when healthy has a TDEE of 2000 cal/day, high restriction is about 1600-1950, and low restriction is about 1200-1600. With patience, it is very possible to increase your TDEE so you can eat a lot more without gain.
*Eating less harms metabolism and shuts down systems. Eating more than the bare minimum can make metabolism work faster, and also help you feel way better. Low restriction is not necessary, is counterproductive, often leads to binges, and is super dangerous. It also causes the body to eat muscle and bone faster, which frequently leads to heart failure, osteoporosis, and seizures, among other things.
*The brain requires at least 130g of carbs at minimum, per day, just to function. And that is assuming you're not doing a ton of exercise, or very tall or muscular, or in other ways burning through the stores more quickly. Eating less than that, risks not only your intelligence, but causes more anxiety, BDD, depression, makes it very hard to think clearly and make reasonable decisions (including regarding the ED), and risks your organs failing because the brain is responsible for telling each of them what to do. It can also lead to dizziness, coordination, and speech and language problems.
*You train your brain how to think, and your body how to act, with repetitive behaviors. Repeating healthy thoughts and behaviors every day makes being healthy get a lot easier. Repeating unhealthy thoughts and behaviors every day, makes getting better a lot harder.
*Malnutrition biologically causes depression, anxiety, and OCD behaviors like ED to get way worse. The brain needs carbs, healthy fats, B vitamins, Vit. D, calcium, and magnesium, among other things, to be able to think straight and feel happy. Getting enough of each, can make ED symptoms lessen in whole lot in time.
*Drinking around 96 oz. water/day, getting in daily balanced electrolytes and a multivitamin, and eating just a little bit of a wide range of foods and types of nutrients, can reduce likelihood for organ failure and seizures.
*The longer you stay in ED, the more severe your behaviors need to be to get the same results. It gets way harder over time, not easier, to hit goals.
*ED damage is cumulative, and each relapse gets increasingly more dangerous.
*Pro-ana content makes people sadder.
*ED makes everything in life worse, and does not solve problems. Building a wide range of stress management skills is a much better option, that also has longer-lasting results.
*Recovery might feel rough for a year, or a year and a half, but will feel awesome then for the rest of your life. Harm reduction is way better than nothing! Each day we get to live, is a new day to start over and try again.
*A majority of people with ED recover fully eventually. You can get there! The sooner you try, and commit fully to it though, the easier it is and the more likely it is to be permanent. It is easier if you don't have brain/organ damage yet. Keep trying! You deserve to be happy and healthy. <3
Posted Yesterday, 02:44 PM
mainly I don't wanna be found out, although there is a pic of my legs (black n white, background covered) and one of my collarbones, but I'm pretty sure that even if these were to end up outside of MPA, there's nothing in the pics to identify me by: no face, no visible background, no unique clothes (basic black skinny jeans in the one, a plain cardigan in the other), no scars/tattoos, etc.
second thing is fear that ppl will guess I'm heavier than I am lol, these "guess my bmi" or "what does this celeb weigh" threads where someone is almost definitely underweight but not emaciated (eg. bmi 16 to 18.5) and then there's always people guessing like 19-21, that shit scares me. It's silly, just some person's opinion on the internet and quite possibly someone whose view got skewed by their ED, but I know I'll feel like shit; I already do when on other people's threads someone guesses higher
- SpongebobZeroPants likes this
Forever indecisive smurf stuck between life and disorder.
cw: 64 kg
lw: 51.3 kg
Goal: <50 kg
Posted Yesterday, 03:26 PM
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