I'm 32, female, and back again.
5'4. 190 with clothes.
GW: Anything lower than I am today.
I'm no stranger to this rodeo.
In childhood, I always felt unhappy about my body- particularly my thighs.
In adolescence, around 16 or so and started restricting during a difficult time in life.
Dabbled with purging but never made it a habit out of fear of my employer noticing (I worked at a dental office).
Dabbled with laxatives and diet pills as well. Mostly I went for restricting and exercise though. It always felt the best.
At 21, alcohol entered the picture and thus began my "drunkorexia" phase in my early to mid-20's, mostly during graduate school with dysfunction peaking during the fallout thereof.
The past few years have largely been binging alcohol and food.
I've even somehow managed to create being the "fat girl who never turns down food" persona at work.
Just, *sigh* embarrassing.
I'm at the highest weight I've ever been in my life. Frankly, I am even more disgusted than usual with myself.
I've been feeling really old, invisible, worthless, isolated, and generally unhappy lately.
But I haven't had food in 22 hours and feel good about it.
Looking forward to being here and finding my people.
Or at the very least- being honest.