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I can't go to IP again (update: I'm not going to yay)


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#1 existentialplastic

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 12:54 PM


I'm afraid that they might not let me admit to residential.


My labs came back and they're, well, not great. Electrolytes in particular... potassium 3.1 mEq/L, sodium 132mEq/L, magnesium 1.6 mg/dL, chloride 95 mEq/L, phosphorus is borderline at 2.6 mg/dL.


I don't want to go back to IP. I can't go back to IP. I don't have the energy. I can't coordinate with somewhere else. I'm too tired. I can't let them strip away my rights like that and abuse me like that again. I have such severe PSTD; drop and pull protocols, ridiculous bolus feeds (because I'm "average weight", my stomach must be soOoOoO big...), literal torture. I'll say it: I'd rather die than let them do that to me again. No. No no no. I don't know what to do or how to stop myself from using these behaviors. I just want everything to stop.


Edit: I went to the ER after additional purging because I'm an out of control idiot and I was having heart palpitations, chest pressure, pain, headache, and in such a severely altered state it took me a few hours to realize what was happening. Don't know how low things were but they've given/are giving me hypertonic saline, magnesium, and potassium. Apparently I was pretty seriously hyponatremic.
On the plus side, they send over things to the residential place and they're admitting me on Monday since I'll be all sorted out. As long as my labs are okay in a few hours they're letting me go home.

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an (diagnosed 2001)

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#2 MindOverFatter

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 01:16 PM

Can you talk to your doctor about agreeing to just stabilizing your electrolytes in a hospital/ER/outpatient infusion center, then discharging back home?

#3 existentialplastic

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 01:17 PM

Can you talk to your doctor about agreeing to just stabilizing your electrolytes in a hospital/ER/outpatient infusion center, then discharging back home?

I don't know if they have any beds. I'm in one the the US states with the most COVID cases, in the middle of the metro area, and our hospitals are extremely overloaded. Those beds should be saved for people that need them and not self-destructive idiots like me.


an (diagnosed 2001)

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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#4 MindOverFatter

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 01:22 PM

I don't know if they have any beds. I'm in one the the US states with the most COVID cases, in the middle of the metro area, and our hospitals are extremely overloaded. Those beds should be saved for people that need them and not self-destructive idiots like me.


You definitely deserve a bed and deserve healthcare. You are a person, you exist, and you matter. You have every right to quality treatment and care.

Just because hospitals are full and busy doesn't mean you're less deserving of care.

Your ED is not your fault. You did not ask for a mental illness.

And even if you did, it doesn't matter and you would still deserve care. People who cause their own sickness and injury are a huge portion of the medical community. Think of all the preventable cancers, STDs, drunk driving accidents, etc. All those people can and should receive healthcare.

But that's not really relevant to your situation, because like I said, your ED is not your fault.

And talk to your doc--they might even be able to just prescribe you potassium pills, etc! Just be honest about what you want and what you're willing to do. They should work with you.
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#5 ChibiBunny

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 01:53 PM

I don't know if they have any beds. I'm in one the the US states with the most COVID cases, in the middle of the metro area, and our hospitals are extremely overloaded. Those beds should be saved for people that need them and not self-destructive idiots like me.

You absolutely deserve treatment, not just because you're a person but you, specifically YOU as an individual, deserve help. I'm so sorry IP has been so traumatic for you in the past, I can't imagine how terrible it must have been and it totally makes sense that you wouldn't want to go back.

 

I second what MindOverFatter says - Please see if you can get a bed in the hospital to stabilize your electrolytes and such before going to residential. I'm always here if you want to talk <3


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I'm literally just a mess at this point:

 

mess
/mes/
 
noun
 
  1.  
    a dirty or untidy state of things or of a place
     
  2. a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties.

3-princess-carolyn-my-life-.jpg


#6 existentialplastic

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 03:31 PM

You definitely deserve a bed and deserve healthcare. You are a person, you exist, and you matter. You have every right to quality treatment and care.

Just because hospitals are full and busy doesn't mean you're less deserving of care.

Your ED is not your fault. You did not ask for a mental illness.

And even if you did, it doesn't matter and you would still deserve care. People who cause their own sickness and injury are a huge portion of the medical community. Think of all the preventable cancers, STDs, drunk driving accidents, etc. All those people can and should receive healthcare.

But that's not really relevant to your situation, because like I said, your ED is not your fault.

And talk to your doc--they might even be able to just prescribe you potassium pills, etc! Just be honest about what you want and what you're willing to do. They should work with you.

 

 

You absolutely deserve treatment, not just because you're a person but you, specifically YOU as an individual, deserve help. I'm so sorry IP has been so traumatic for you in the past, I can't imagine how terrible it must have been and it totally makes sense that you wouldn't want to go back.

 

I second what MindOverFatter says - Please see if you can get a bed in the hospital to stabilize your electrolytes and such before going to residential. I'm always here if you want to talk <3

 

Thank you both for being sensible. I keep forgetting sometimes I'm an adult now and I am allowed to fight for what I will find helpful in my treatment journey. You're both angels.

 

I don't want to be going to treatment right now but I want to die less and I'm on such a dangerous trajectory -- I went from Actually Doing Well to this point in six weeks, so I can't really wait any longer without risking serious serious consequences.

 

I just feel so undeserving and stupid, especially since my weight is so "normal" right now. I hate that my relapses are so severe that I don't even get to "look" anorexic (because that's a thing that's both normal to want and possible to achieve LOL) before I'm forced to make these decisions for my help.


an (diagnosed 2001)

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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#7 Tweety1

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 04:17 PM

Hi, can I ask you, if u receive any therapy for PTSD? and if it helps? I was taken into IP for the 1st time last year and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it 😪 I feel like my life is over, coz of what they did to me

#8 JustHold

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 04:22 PM

Oral potassium can and should be prescribed as a daily supplement. Magnesium is super easy to supplement at home. Stop drinking plain water and drink electrolyte beverages and the sodium will pop right up. That’s more dehydration than anything. Honestly none of those labs require being admitted and can be supplemented outpatient.
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#9 existentialplastic

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 05:08 PM

Oral potassium can and should be prescribed as a daily supplement. Magnesium is super easy to supplement at home. Stop drinking plain water and drink electrolyte beverages and the sodium will pop right up. That’s more dehydration than anything. Honestly none of those labs require being admitted and can be supplemented outpatient.


I don't generally have purging behaviors so this is the first time my electrolytes have been so off. I don't know if it changes things, but I already have had severe cardiac issues. Either way I appreciate the assurance.

I have replaced all water with Pedialyte and have been nursing that.

an (diagnosed 2001)

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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#10 JustHold

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 06:01 PM

I don't generally have purging behaviors so this is the first time my electrolytes have been so off. I don't know if it changes things, but I already have had severe cardiac issues. Either way I appreciate the assurance.

I have replaced all water with Pedialyte and have been nursing that.


Eventually restriction and general malnutrition will get your electrolytes.

If you have known cardiac issues they should have you on 40meq of potassium orally every day. That’s just a standard.

Pedialyte doesn’t have the electrolytes we really think it does. There is a reason it’s marketed toward infants and children. There’s much better electrolyte replacements like liquid IV, drip drop, ultima, LMNT. I’d upgrade to the adult version of electrolytes and you may have a little better luck keeping things balanced. Cardiology should really be on top of potassium though. You can’t absorb potassium if your magnesium is low. You can easily increase magnesium at home which should subsequently help potassium.

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#11 existentialplastic

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 09:25 PM

Eventually restriction and general malnutrition will get your electrolytes.

If you have known cardiac issues they should have you on 40meq of potassium orally every day. That’s just a standard.

Pedialyte doesn’t have the electrolytes we really think it does. There is a reason it’s marketed toward infants and children. There’s much better electrolyte replacements like liquid IV, drip drop, ultima, LMNT. I’d upgrade to the adult version of electrolytes and you may have a little better luck keeping things balanced. Cardiology should really be on top of potassium though. You can’t absorb potassium if your magnesium is low. You can easily increase magnesium at home which should subsequently help potassium.

I didn't know it could happen so fast (~6 weeks) with just restriction, especially since I was intaking ~800kcal daily at the beginning. I know pedialyte is not great, but it's what I have immediately on hand. 

 

I've not had any medical care for several years because of access issues, just recently got it back. I was doing Fine a few weeks ago so I guess no one was concerned about it. The last time I saw a cardiologist was 2018.


an (diagnosed 2001)

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And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#12 JustHold

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 11:04 PM

I didn't know it could happen so fast (~6 weeks) with just restriction, especially since I was intaking ~800kcal daily at the beginning. I know pedialyte is not great, but it's what I have immediately on hand.

I've not had any medical care for several years because of access issues, just recently got it back. I was doing Fine a few weeks ago so I guess no one was concerned about it. The last time I saw a cardiologist was 2018.


My PCP prescribed potassium, phosphorus and magnesium I used Calm brand. This was before I was on TPN, now a pharmacist just adjusts it based on my labs each week.

I was not engaging in any behavior other than straight restriction (ultimately I couldn’t eat because my stomach wasn’t working) but my body just didn’t have reserves so my electrolytes were garbage after awhile.
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#13 existentialplastic

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 01:04 AM

Since those labs were drawn I purged and now I'm in the ER. Don't purge if you can help it kids.

an (diagnosed 2001)

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Spoiler

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#14 secret_shadow

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 04:04 AM

Hope you get treated well and get out soon
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#15 MindOverFatter

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 04:40 AM

Hang in there and feel better soon. Keep us posted! We're all here rooting for you.

<3
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#16 existentialplastic

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 04:26 PM

I went to the ER after additional purging because I'm an out of control idiot and I was having heart palpitations, chest pressure, pain, headache, and in such a severely altered state it took me a few hours to realize what was happening. Don't know how low things were but they've given/are giving me hypertonic saline, magnesium, and potassium. Apparently I was pretty seriously hyponatremic.

On the plus side, they sent over things to the residential place and they're admitting me on Monday since I'll be all sorted out. As long as my labs are okay in a few hours they're letting me go home for the evening and so I can nap and touch cat.

an (diagnosed 2001)

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Spoiler

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#17 existentialplastic

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 04:50 PM

All of this is pending insurance pre-auth. They were dragging their feet Thursday and Friday, and now are closed until Monday. Thank goodness I'm only sick M-F during business hours. :)

an (diagnosed 2001)

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Spoiler

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became


#18 ChibiBunny

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 05:16 PM

Oh I'm so sorry, I really do hope the best for you! Please keep us updated, sending you all my love and support! Feel free to message me if you want to talk, I'm here to listen <3


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I'm literally just a mess at this point:

 

mess
/mes/
 
noun
 
  1.  
    a dirty or untidy state of things or of a place
     
  2. a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties.

3-princess-carolyn-my-life-.jpg


#19 existentialplastic

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 05:50 PM

I'm frustrated especially because if they had authorized on Thursday or even Friday morning I wouldn't have been able to destabilize myself to this extent. I guess that's what they get for being recalcitrant to deem it "medically necessary". BILL for insurance company. Bill for A THOUSAND YEARS.

an (diagnosed 2001)

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Spoiler

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness

So darkness I became



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