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post purge clarity


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#1 skinny_stoner6

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 08:36 PM

When there’s nothing left to do but curl up in a ball, and feel that familiar ache right below my ribcage. And my body is tingling, hands shaking because my electrolytes are so fucked. Void of all emotions except that feeling, that knowing, that this is my life. And that escaping this hell i’ve made for myself will require even more effort than it took to put myself here in the first place. Knowing that when it’s all over and done with, it won’t have been worth it. When I am nothing but bones, I will still be miserable. I am miserable. I am tired. i’m tired of my brain and my body. I’m tired of hurting people. Hurting myself. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die.

I don’t want you’re pity. but ik you relate.


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#2 Hazle Weatherfield

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 03:59 AM

Yep, I can definitely relate, especially when you feel like you haven't got everything up or your instinct is just to go binge again within the next minute (or both). It's truly one of the shittiest vicious cycles to be stuck in.


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#3 tittysprinkles

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 04:29 AM

yea... you feel completely empty. and it makes you relieved and sad at the same time. but mostly so tired you can't feel anything and pass out


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tumblr mp1ygoksYK1rcpscwo1 500
5'2". 30.  BN.
CW: 108
LW: 86  HW: 120

#4 letsfloat

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:17 PM

what I hate most about it is the isolating factor. it's saturday evening, I could be out with my girls, getting to know new people and yet I'm sitting here feasting on pasta, and cookies, and cereal, and... just to flush it down the toilet. it's so fucking pointless.
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#5 Holiday

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 02:40 PM

Fuck dude I relate so hard, like once I'm done with my last b/p of the night I just look at my life and realize how empty it is, I'm so miserable and isolated bcuz of this shit and just wish so hard that I could stop... and I look back at the past several hours and just realize how much food and money I fucking wasted and regret not stopping after like 2 rounds instead of going for 5 or 6. But then the next day it's like I look forward to it and plan it all day, like the only thing I have in my life anymore is food and it's so fucking depressing. The internal conflict is real
Also recently I've been passively suicidal bcuz of it, like have no intent to kill myself but I'm just like what is the point of being alive I'm just wasting my life on this. I have no goals or motivation anymore and am fuclnctioning at the bare minimum level, all I do is go to work, come home and b/p for hours, then pass out. And also going grocery shopping literally 4x a week cuz I run out of food so fucking fast. Like I don't even care anymore if this kills me, a couple months ago I was rlly working on harm reduction i.e. minimizing the amount of times I b/p a day and taking my potassium supplements regularly, but at this point I just don't give a fuck anymore
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Height: 5'6


Weight: 81.6lbslbs (12-28-21)


BMI: 13.2


AN b/p


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#6 skinny_stoner6

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 09:10 PM

what I hate most about it is the isolating factor. it's saturday evening, I could be out with my girls, getting to know new people and yet I'm sitting here feasting on pasta, and cookies, and cereal, and... just to flush it down the toilet. it's so fucking pointless.


god the amount of times i’ve cancelled on friends to b/p is sad


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#7 skinny_stoner6

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 09:12 PM

Fuck dude I relate so hard, like once I'm done with my last b/p of the night I just look at my life and realize how empty it is, I'm so miserable and isolated bcuz of this shit and just wish so hard that I could stop... and I look back at the past several hours and just realize how much food and money I fucking wasted and regret not stopping after like 2 rounds instead of going for 5 or 6. But then the next day it's like I look forward to it and plan it all day, like the only thing I have in my life anymore is food and it's so fucking depressing. The internal conflict is real
Also recently I've been passively suicidal bcuz of it, like have no intent to kill myself but I'm just like what is the point of being alive I'm just wasting my life on this. I have no goals or motivation anymore and am fuclnctioning at the bare minimum level, all I do is go to work, come home and b/p for hours, then pass out. And also going grocery shopping literally 4x a week cuz I run out of food so fucking fast. Like I don't even care anymore if this kills me, a couple months ago I was rlly working on harm reduction i.e. minimizing the amount of times I b/p a day and taking my potassium supplements regularly, but at this point I just don't give a fuck anymore


in the exact same boat, this past month I haven’t even liked b/ping, like usually i’m excited for it but I don’t even want to do it. yet i’m up half the night planning out my next b/p… then I do it anyways. over and over and over again it’s so depressing it’s almost laughable


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