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I never feel valid - vent


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#1 beAbody

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Posted 14 January 2022 - 10:40 PM

when I didn't care abt hiding my ed in the beginning, but I felt invalid because people would be concerned and say stuff abt weightloss but I felt fatter and I was still doing bp sometimes and I wasn't even thin. im not lying, my BMI was prob like 22-23. I felt like people were patronizing me, so I would get snappy and tell my family to stop commenting on my body/eating. I wished at that time that I could hide my other mental problems and ed from everyone. I felt guilty for putting people through the pain of seeing me depressed and scaring them with my behaviors. I thought it was cooler to hide it. 

 

when I eventually learned how to hide it, people stopped bringing up my ed as much.. its still brought up but like seldom tho. I wear big clothes bc im so cold and hate my body- for the most part, I eat normal then purge, im better at putting on a smile, "laughing" more, I eat low cal things more frequent in the day and make some things high volume (low cal tho) and I agreed to therapy (tbh mainly just to get meds to loose weight & it worked) and when I got my meds and acted more normal ppl stopped talking about it as much, maybe because they thought I was better or bc they know I won't listen. but im thinnest ive ever been, not really thin at all, but still lighter than when people were more concerned about me and im restricting and sadder more now than ever. I even do worse things now than before other than ed like cutting and smoking, I even fainted at school recently. I feel invalid bc my family doesn't say things as much, even tho one of my teachers commented and my therapist keeps on asking me if im eating bc im loosing lots of weight (I say I am, my therapy is for depression and I wanna keep it that way bc I dont even like going in the first place). sure I like having more privacy and less questions abt my life, but I feel invalid still. 

 

sorry this is so long but I needed somewhere to vent 


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#2 Kitara b

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Posted 15 January 2022 - 05:47 AM

Hey:"
I don't know you or your family but first of all, I'm sorry that you feel that way
It feels so bad to feel invalid and like your problems are unseen by your loved ones:"
But who knows maybe they're too worried about you to comfortably talk about it
A lot of times when people feel really worried about someone or a situation they tend to shut down bc they literally don't know what to do or say:"
And I know it's upsetting and invalidating but please remind yourself that not feeling valid is a part of the illness
Don't be too hard on yourself. You know you're struggling:" you don't need anyone to acknowledge it for it to be real
I'm sorry that you're struggling but we all see you:"
And we're here for you♡
Sorry if it didn't help I just wanted to remind you that no matter what you're not alone in this.
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