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feel like a binge? have a virtual one instead: calorie-free :)

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#21 butterflyflyawayyy

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Posted 21 August 2015 - 09:58 PM

Bowls and bowls of sugary cereal. Juices galore. Ice cream! Potato chips! Cheetos! French fries! A burger! Halloween candy.
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#22 SheMadeMe

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Posted 22 August 2015 - 08:17 AM

     I wake up around noon, since it's my summer vacation and i don't have plans today. The sun is shining through my window blinds, hitting my arm in a perfect sun beam line. The heat is nice, but it's just a tad of a rude awakening. I listen closely for the sounds of the house - the hallway, the kitchen, the bathroom, the other bedrooms - to make an assumption of who is home at the moment. I can hear no one - my parents must be at work and my brother is probably out with his friends.

     I slowly slink out of my bed, slipping on jeans and a simple t-shirt, tucking $10 into the back pocket. I walk carelessly down the stairs, not worrying about making my footsteps light since i was the only one home. I enter the kitchen, grazing the gleaming white cupboards with my fingertips, stopping at the knobs. I take inventory of the sweets, but nothing quite suits my craving.

     Stepping out into the garage, i open the door and grasp the handle bars to my bike, setting off on a journey down the road to the store and plummeting myself into the numb pit of my next binge.


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Maybe i like the screwed up ones. They understand the way i think.

 
"If you develop an eating disorder when you are already thin, you go to the hospital. If you develop an eating disorder when you are not thin to begin with, you are a success story." - Blythe Baird
 
SW: 270
CW: 250
 
GW1: 230
GW2: 210
GW3: 190
UGW?: 170

#23 morgan_m

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Posted 22 August 2015 - 09:41 AM

bread. lots and lots of bread. or.. wait. i'd like some potato chips actually. thin, crisp and salty. paprika. and then a glass of milk. I just had a huuge snack. not a binge, but not ideal either. involved 5 slices of whole wheat bread. so actually, the bread seems less appealing now. and the granola too. my usual binge foods. no thanks. what else..? i don't know. this is weird. I want to binge, but I don't actually feel like any particular food. peanuts. that might do it. with raisins. sweet and salty. although I kind of feel sick thinking about it. or ice cream? cold.. strange. I guess I'll just have another cup of coffee and try to move on. uaaagh this feeling is driving me insane. 


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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


#24 morgan_m

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Posted 24 August 2015 - 11:57 AM

ok let's see... if I could just go ahead and eat, what would I do.. I would start with the packet of whole wheat toast that I opened at lunch today. it's in the fridge but I've eaten it out of the fridge before. no problem. so, at least 4 slices of that with butter and raspberry jam. mmm. absolutely craving that. the spongy soft consistency of the bread, slightly nutty in taste, the smooth cold butter, the sweet jam with the crunchy raspberry seeds.. then a few sips of milk. then I'd have  more toast but with butter and a really mild cheese and a few walnuts. then something chocolatey. chocolate covered digestive biscuits! dipped in milk of course. basically those till I start feeling seriously sick, let's say 7, and then the search for something salty.. olive-flavored puff pastry twists. half a packet.. with milk.. then the rest of the packet.. with milk. feeling so disgusting and not wanting to eat but not wanting to stop because I don't want to face the horrible realities of a binge. no more pleasure, just pain. a full stomach, a sugar rush maybe, palpitating heart, fear, regret, shame. then pick myself up, drink water, tell myself tomorrow's a new day..

 

ugh, that would so not have been worth it. I feel so much better right now even though I feel gross from eating too much fruit, which bloats me. not that anyone's interested. anyway. that helped. 


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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


#25 MyPerfectionObsession00

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Posted 25 August 2015 - 03:19 PM

I don't know if what I do will help others or just make their cravings worse, but I will often look at photo's of food on instagram for a couple of minutes and when I see it I can think a bit more rationally and I will eventually come to my senses and realize that a binge is not worth it an that I will actually feel worse afterwards,,, Hope this might help someone :)
  • morgan_m, kaylagetsthin25 and ❤ 𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕕𝕖 ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ❤ like this
HW: 233
LW: 154
CW: 233

GW 1: 198
GW 2 : 176
GW 3 : 154
GW 4 : 132
GW 5 : 110

Height: 5'3

I have come too far to take orders from a cookie.
Size 00 everything. My clothes to my portions.

#26 dying.to.be.thin15

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Posted 31 August 2015 - 04:42 AM

a wrap filled with grated cheese and ketchup, and a massive slice of crusty bread with oodles of melted butter, veggie crisps, with beets and parsnips, a large slice of chocolate cake, with so much chocolate butter cream, and fudge icing.

a big bowel of cinnamon grayaums, with full fat milk

wow it felt good to get that off my chest


  • Zomegaz, morgan_m and I'm a black rainbow like this

days without binge: 3

 

"hunger hurts but starving works"

-Fiona Apple


#27 morgan_m

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Posted 01 September 2015 - 05:53 AM

lots of chocolate, hot and gooey. warm brownies, right out of the oven, all soft and fudgy, with the only the edges slightly hardened. :wub: I'd slowly savor a few mouthfuls of hot brownie, then eat more with vanilla ice cream. and then loads more without ice cream again, to feel all warm inside. ...wow, I just spent like a minute day-dreaming about that.  

 

and now I feel like something salty.. plain potato chips, and then paprika ones. and peanuts. and crackers with butter, and then raisins for something sweet again, together with the nuts. 

 

*sigh*... 

 

back to reality.


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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


#28 Methe

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Posted 01 September 2015 - 07:17 AM

I am sitting at the Sushi place I'm gonna visit in 2 weeks and have EVERY DAMN PLATE passing by me. Not caring for manners, drown them in soy sauce and wasabi and down with them. And I only stop when the Chef comes out crying!


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Sex: None if not paid in advance.  Male   
Age: 33
Height: 1.73 m (5"8' ft)
 
I had been morbidly obese my whole teenage and adult life. I had developed a BED by the age of 18.
 
Highest weight, 2013 - April 2015:  145 kg (320 lbs / 22 st 12 lbs) BMI: 48.4
 
From July 2015 to July 2016 I ate 1200 kcal every day and exercised regularly. I got to a normal 
weight for the first time as an adult.
 
Lowest weight, July 2016:               67.4 kg (149 lbs / 10 st 9 lbs)  BMI: 22.5  
 
Here are some disgusting nudes (trunks) showing the difference, watch at your own risk and hold eye bleach ready!
 
After a month of maintenance my BED took control over me again, helped by me not experiencing
real progress in life overall and emotional turmoil during an extended outpatient stay. Have been more or less fluctuating 
in weight, but never went obese again.
 
Recovery is a lifelong battle and hope the last thing to die!
 
Current weight: At about my medical ideal weight again. Subject to changes!
 
                        
                                     I earned my thin privilege!!!
 
 
Official diagnoses: BED (not currently ), ADD, BPD, MDD
 
 
 
 
 
 

#29 Guest_stoa_*

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Posted 01 September 2015 - 07:35 AM

Omg I love this thread! I'm currently at th lunch table lol. I would've had like 1 kebab, then start with a samosa, then some fries; then finish off with some chicken fingers and like 3 dates. After that I'll have some salted crackers and chocolate covered cookies, and like 2 sticks of chocolate. I'll also have some Dorito bits even though I don't like it much, and some potato chips. Then I'll have some pistachios until I'll go to the mall with my mom. At the mall I'll have a brownie. then I'll come home and have some more chips and crackers, a PB&J sandwich, more chocolate, more pistachios. Repeat until we go out for dinner. Which then I'll have some garlic bread, pizza, and maybe some fries. Then go home and realize what I had done. Oh and sleep with a super heavy stomach. disgusting.
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#30 zeropounds

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Posted 01 September 2015 - 09:04 AM

In my fridge right now I have a sweet chilli salmon steak. I'd eat that, probably too fast because it tastes so good. And then I'd make myself a wrap with a plain salmon steak and a load of pesto. Then I have some cheese and onion rolls and sausage rolls in the cupboard that I'd eat. I'd make pasta, with more pesto. And then Morrisons is across the road so I'd go there. And buy a cream cake, a pack of doughnuts, a quiche, whipped cream. And maybe, on top of that, if I had the money, I'd order dominoes. Double decker crust margarita pizza, mac and cheese bites, and ben and jerries ice cream.


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89746313.png

 

Accountability

 

January 2016

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Green - under 500 cals, exercise

Orange - Under 500 cals, no exercise

Red - over 500 cals, no exercise


#31 morgan_m

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Posted 01 September 2015 - 10:34 AM

In my fridge right now I have a sweet chilli salmon steak. I'd eat that, probably too fast because it tastes so good. And then I'd make myself a wrap with a plain salmon steak and a load of pesto. Then I have some cheese and onion rolls and sausage rolls in the cupboard that I'd eat. I'd make pasta, with more pesto. And then Morrisons is across the road so I'd go there. And buy a cream cake, a pack of doughnuts, a quiche, whipped cream. And maybe, on top of that, if I had the money, I'd order dominoes. Double decker crust margarita pizza, mac and cheese bites, and ben and jerries ice cream.

 

mmm pesto  ^_^


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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


#32 Guest_NoraAnaAddiction_*

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Posted 02 September 2015 - 07:36 AM

Imagining that I am eating french fries, chips, cookies filled with figs.........


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#33 spaceghoul

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Posted 02 September 2015 - 06:36 PM

i'm trying to regain control and a binge is not part of my plan sooo..
i'd head into the kitchen and towards the brown sugar oatmeal bars that my mum bought me. i'd eat probably three or four of them, then wash it down with some cereal and full fat milk. i'd warm up some banana bread until the chocolate chips were all melty, and while eating it, i would turn the oven on and put in a pizza. i'd get a mug, make a chocolate chip cookie mug cake and crack out a bar of milk chocolate. i'd warm up a bagel, spread it with butter and pile on some sour cream and onion cracker chips. i'd take out the pizza, tearing it apart to make a delicious cheesy mess. finally, i'd take out the peanut butter and a spoon and settle in with some good teevee. i'd possibly make some pancakes drenched in syrup depending on my level of unquenchable hunger. once finished, i would sit down and let the guilt and uncomfort and total dispair wash over me. i would regret every bite and probably cry a little, because it all started with having delicious oatmeal bars in the cupboard and ended with a huge progress setback.

i actually like this quite a bit - i don't really want to binge anymore. i should come back more often.
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#34 spaceghoul

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Posted 02 September 2015 - 10:30 PM

oo wee oo i'm back so soon. there's only one thing that i really want right now and it is a ziploc baggy of miniature chocolates that i love. even if i ate them all, my daily total would still be below 500, but i'm afraid that it'll trigger something bigger. i'm going crazy but i know that it'll only make me sad after.

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#35 morgan_m

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Posted 03 September 2015 - 05:26 AM

i'm trying to regain control and a binge is not part of my plan sooo..
i'd head into the kitchen and towards the brown sugar oatmeal bars that my mum bought me. i'd eat probably three or four of them, then wash it down with some cereal and full fat milk. i'd warm up some banana bread until the chocolate chips were all melty, and while eating it, i would turn the oven on and put in a pizza. i'd get a mug, make a chocolate chip cookie mug cake and crack out a bar of milk chocolate. i'd warm up a bagel, spread it with butter and pile on some sour cream and onion cracker chips. i'd take out the pizza, tearing it apart to make a delicious cheesy mess. finally, i'd take out the peanut butter and a spoon and settle in with some good teevee. i'd possibly make some pancakes drenched in syrup depending on my level of unquenchable hunger. once finished, i would sit down and let the guilt and uncomfort and total dispair wash over me. i would regret every bite and probably cry a little, because it all started with having delicious oatmeal bars in the cupboard and ended with a huge progress setback.

i actually like this quite a bit - i don't really want to binge anymore. i should come back more often.

 

omg that sounds like the best binge ever! 

glad it helped :) 


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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." 

- Ralph Waldo Emerson


#36 Alicexoxox

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Posted 03 September 2015 - 07:21 AM

I'd toast a couple of crumpets and melt like a pound of butter over them, and crunch my way through a bag of salted caramel coated popcorn while they're toasting, then I'd leave the house eating the crumpets when they're done, and go into town. I walk past a McDonald's on the way and I'd get a mcflurry and ask them to put all the toppings on, and a large fries to dip in it. Maybe a banana milkshake too. I'd eat the McDonalds as I walk into town. When I've finished that junk I'd pop into Tesco and buy some of their m&m cookies at the self service checkout, then I'd eat them as I go round the rest of the shop, picking up a few galaxy cookie crumble, and dairy milk marvellous creations bars. Also I'd get a ben and jerry's cookie core pint for later. I'd buy them and head over wenzels the bakery where I'd buy some kind of cream filled chocolate pastry. Then I'd head over to pizza hut and get a cheesy-bites veggie supreme pizza, and I'd sit in the park and eat it, followed by the ben and jerry's. Then I'd go to Starbucks and get a PSL and a slice of red velvet cake to eat in. On the walk home i'd order a chinese to be delivered to my house and buy myself a malteasers crushem, and chips+gravy to eat on the way, and as i get home my order of vegetable fried rice, lemon chicken, seasame prawn toast, and sweet and sour chicken balls would arrive. That is all folks.


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5'3


hw 140

cw 118

lw 116


gw1 120

gw2 115

gw3 110


ugw <100 (get belly pierced)

tumblr_ntp6frXmJK1rvdkygo1_500.png


#37 recoveryish

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Posted 03 September 2015 - 08:40 PM

If I didn't care for money:
This would probably be on a Wednesday, when I haven't any classes and I'm in the mall.

I don't eat breakfast. I skip it and save room for later because I know whats gonna go down in a few hours. I just slowly get ready, and by 10AM I'm on the way to the mall. Maybe I study a bit and wait til 12NN or 1PM, so buying food won't seem so odd during those hours.
Then I'd first go to Sbarro and get two slices of cheese pizza and a lot of hot sauce with diet sprite. I Would scrape the oily cheese sauce out of the crust, saving it for last. I'd open up a hot sauce packet and eat the crust first, then bite into the packet and get maybe half to 3/4 of its content. I'd do the same with the other slie, pushing away Te cheese and eating the crust, eating hot sauce and drinking my soda simultaneously. Then I'd eat the whole pizza itself, the thin cheese less body with only tomato sauce for flavor. I'd eat it the way I eat my crust, with hot sauce an swigs of soda. Or I'd roll it up and eat it like a mini burrito. After that, I start to eat Te one thing I saved for last: that oily cheese! I open two packets of hot sauce and devour the cheese topping with the hot sauce. I chew slowly and let that cheesy flavor into my life, taking maybe a minute to let that moment last.

Once Im done with my pizza, I head on to the grocery store to buy Ben & Jerry's. After that (and the moment of sad judgment by the cashier), I'll e going up to Krispy Kreme and buying 2 donuts, 1 original, 1 New York cheesecake. I'll also order coffee with it. I'll find a secluded place (it would probably be 2PM and considering that it's a weekday, there usually aren't much people around and the servers are by the counter. Te only one to judge would be security from their cctv cams haha) and devour all those pieces. I'd start off with the original glazed one, taking a huge bite equivalent to almost half the donut. I'll take a sip of coffee (making sure it's real sweet with milk!) and let the sugary doughnut sort of turn to soft soft dough with y coffee. I'd then open my Ben & Jerrys and take a bite of the doughnut, this time tasting to see if it goes well with the ice cream. I'd then have the last bite, but with both ice cream and coffee this time. Next would be my new York cheesecake doughnut. I get a fork and knife and scrape off the graham topping, then cut the sides until I find the cream cheese filling. I'd eat the sides I cut out, all the while sipping coffee or eating ice cream, then I'd eat the center part with all the toppings last, letting that cream cheese sit in my mouth and feeling the crunch of the graham. I'd then finish the last of the coffee and ice cream ten go for a walk, window shopping a bit, feeling like poop because Im too bloated to fit into the clothes I want to wear. I'll probably get a Quest bar or any big protein bar. Chocolate or peanut butter flavor.

After my walk, I'll be heading on to SaladStop and get a nice Caesar salad with a LOT of cheese and dressing, then buy a fig bar, acai banana cake, a cookie, a mango muesli and their strawberry Greek yogurt. I'll eat the salad first, eating all the vegetables except the lettuce first, leaving the cheese and dressing with it. Then I'd finish up the whole salad. I'll follow it with the fig bar and cake while opening up my greek yogurt, adding in granola and mixing it with honey. I'll bedipping the bar into the Greek yogurt, then follow it with my cake and cookie. I'll let the sweetness kill the cheesy day ive been having. Then on to the muesli! I'll ignore the people watching and wondering how this underweight girl manages to eat like a starving goat. I'll enjoy my muesli and eat the mangoes and bananas first, leavig the oat/yogurt/granola mixture for last.

After that, maybe another walk to ease the pain of my stomach, heart, mind and soul. Then I'd go in Starbucks and order a venti frappucino with extra whip, no need to ask for nonfat bc what's the point? I'll also get a chocolate chip cookie with an Oreo cheesecake. I'll eat that with little sips of my frap, then go back and ask for a hot caramel macchiato, a slice of chocolate cake and a sticky cinnamon bun, pretending I've someone with me. I'll be sitting in the squished place where I'm covered by a wall so no one watches me. I'll finish my frap with the pastries, probably order a banoffee pie and a chocolate glazed doughnut and have that with my caramel macchiato. At this point I quickly leave and let their judgment stay within that branch.

I'd probably be walking as if I didnt know how to, and my stomach will be stickig out and I'll be close to tears, but what the heck? Ill buy a ticket to Inside Out and buy 2 Jamaican patties (VERY spicy), a huge tub of butter popcorn (extra butter), a hotdog, another slice of pizza from Sbarro, and anther venti strawberries n creme frap from Starbucks (from their cinema branch, not the one I last went to hah). Maybe I'll get another pastry and their lunch sandwich just to kill myself.

I'll watch the movie and start off with the hotdo sandwich, eating the bread first and leaving eating the hotdog for last. Next would be my pizza, doing the same as I did before. Then it would be my popcorn, mindlessly chewing and letting the buttery taste melt into my mouth. After that, I'd eat my chosen pastry and the sandwich with sips of frap. And then the Jamaican patties for last! I'll be crying from the movie and the fact that I'm slowly killing myself. Will also regret not videoing it so I copied say I did the 10k calorie challenge and at least be internet famous.

I'll head on home and when my mom asks what ie been to, I'll just say I had the whole day o
To myself and watched a movie and went winowshopping, never removing my oversized hoodie until next month. The end.

HAHAHA I feel so much better! And I hope you guys aren't disgusted by my cheese addiction and the way I eat :P I do eat this on a daily basis, but not all at the same time. But the cravings get real and sigh. I'm glad Im a Scrooge or I would have been very broke and very fat (I calculated how much everything would be, I suspect around 3,000PHP or $60ish). Woop. I wanna make a realistic one now, just to keep me sane :))
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"Recovering from an ED is impossible, the monsters in my head were just hiding to torment me."

 

"Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes the girl a smaller size."

 

"Fat and skinny had a race,

All around the pillowcase.

Fat fell flat down on her face,

Skinny said, 'Haha! I won the race.'"

 

I'm 19 and 5'4.

HW (August 29, 2013): 170 lbs

GW: 120 lbs

UGW: 110 lbs

 

SUPER UGW: 99 lbs // 45kgs // 17.0 BMI

 

CW: 104 lbs // 47.3 kgs // 17.8 BMI

I'll maintain from here

 

Not exactly in recovery, but trying to stop counting calories and maintain my weight or stay between 99-104lbs despite the binge/restrict cycle that ends up to more binging. Sigh.

STOP: calorie counting || binging || fasting || wallowing in self pity and depression


#38 absolute-Zero

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Posted 04 September 2015 - 08:26 AM

So, I have 220 g milk chocolate, 420 g nougat wafers and a whole package of Grancereale cookies right here in my room just across the bed where I'm laying at currently.
IF i were in a perfect world, first thing I would do is eat it all. I probably would try to eat it while in bed, maybe just quickly run to the kitchen to get myself...hm... Hot cocoa. Like really hot cocoa, so hot that I am forced to drink it slowly throughout my whole binge instead of downing the whole cup at once. I would open all 3 and switch between them however I liked it until they were all gone. Then I'd go around the kitchen and the whole house basically, looking for more food to shove down my fat throat. I'd find a bag of pretzels and I would take it to my room to eat it there alone hoping no one would look for them or me. I would then eat a big coconut cookie. :3 Maybe some bread, if so, then definitely w/ butter because its a huge binge food. Some juice would never hurt :) and so on, and so on... Not saying I could possibly stomach so much food.
  • morgan_m likes this

Height: 161 cm 

HW: 77 kg

LW: 58.1 kg

CW: 76.9 kg

GW1: 65 kg

GW2: 60 kg

 


#39 Journeytothin

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Posted 04 September 2015 - 08:44 AM

told my husband to eat his thai for lunch instead he made it for breakfast so it's all I can smell right now. All I want to do is eat. I want to eat a big heaping bowl of fried rice, with meats. he keeps talking about it too...ugh...i know it's good don't have to keep on fucking telling me.


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You can look in the mirror everyday wishing you had a better body, OR you can do something about it! It's not going to be easy but it WILL be worth it! Always remember nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!


#40 recoveryish

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Posted 04 September 2015 - 09:14 AM

I'd wake up in the morning and grab my cereal drink with two buttercream biscuits, eating the biscuits while sipping my drink. I'll probably have another cereal drink but this time have it with chopped bananas.

Then I'll have some hot pandesal (Filipino bread rolls) with butter and pb with banana and sweet, sugary coffee. I'll dip my buttery bread in the coffee and eat it, to be followed with my pb banana sandwich.

I'll probably have those deep frie sandwiches my grandfather gets. He got the pepperoni flavored one. I'll also have two packs of instant noodles just to finish it. My body is in need of something savoury.

Dinner would be burgers. Or Pizza Hut. If burgers, I'd get a cheese burger topped with onion rings and bacon with fries on the side, along with a LOT of ketchup and mayo and hot sauce. And mustard. I can't live without mustard. I'll down it with iced tea and have ice cream after.

If Pizza Hut, I'll get their buy one take one and have 5 slices with a lot of hot sauce and coke zero (the other slices will be for my dad and sister lol). I'll probably walk to 7 11 and have ice cream or slurpee after.

I have a lot of these and it relieves me to take I all out ^^
  • Zomegaz and morgan_m like this

"Recovering from an ED is impossible, the monsters in my head were just hiding to torment me."

 

"Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes the girl a smaller size."

 

"Fat and skinny had a race,

All around the pillowcase.

Fat fell flat down on her face,

Skinny said, 'Haha! I won the race.'"

 

I'm 19 and 5'4.

HW (August 29, 2013): 170 lbs

GW: 120 lbs

UGW: 110 lbs

 

SUPER UGW: 99 lbs // 45kgs // 17.0 BMI

 

CW: 104 lbs // 47.3 kgs // 17.8 BMI

I'll maintain from here

 

Not exactly in recovery, but trying to stop counting calories and maintain my weight or stay between 99-104lbs despite the binge/restrict cycle that ends up to more binging. Sigh.

STOP: calorie counting || binging || fasting || wallowing in self pity and depression




Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: binge, virtual binging

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