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Anyone else feel like they are too old to be here?


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#41 Guest_sobergal_*

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Posted 11 October 2016 - 07:42 PM

Hi everyone!

I just wanted to say 'hi!' to all of you.  I just celebrated 55 laps around the sun last month.

I am really grateful for this forum too.

I work from home and during my breaks, come here to be among you.

There is hope.

Hugs!!


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#42 MMIDREY

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Posted 12 October 2016 - 11:27 PM

55 and yes I feel too old to be here. I think it all started... REALLY started for me when I was 13 and literally ate nothing for 30 days. I did take vitamins though, and I transitioned off by eating a can of tuna a day. I'm not sure if I enjoy torturing myself with eating just a little and feeling hungry or trying to eat nothing.

 

The thing that I hate about not eating as an adult is the bad breath. When I was a teen off for the summer I didnt care because I never had to be around people

 

My favorite tips are on the show Supersize vs. Superskinny... so many good tips from the superskinnys on that show. I started buying tons of tea because of the lady that drank like 20 cups of tea a day. I do this best when I obsess over it... center everything around it.

 

Anyway... thats me and I love that there are people close to my age.



#43 spankablebutt

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Posted 13 October 2016 - 08:15 AM

Yes!

I feel too old to be on here and too old to STILL be struggling with my ED.

I just turned 39...so almost 40.

I know I should try to enjoy my last year of being in my 30's while I can but it is hard to when I am buying collagen masks and wrinkle cream for my frown lines, lol!

 

I have been dealing with my ED for a little less than 30 years.

This is insane ... and sad.

 

And what makes it worse - is that my therapist told me that EDs are a teenager thing!

What?????

Um, I am far from being a teenager ( and would never want to be a teenager again, oh, the angst) and I STILL have it.

 

But lately, it hit me: I am NOT ready to give up my ED and look for recovery ( because I am too fat).

But it is way past the time to start to work on my thoughts and beliefs about myself, the world and especially , food.

 

Which is something I am doing through fasting.

whoa, right? Still sounds ED?
But it's not.

I have to abstain to be able to create and implement new coping skills that do not revolve around food.

I guess, dealing with life without food as a coping skill....which I am way too old to not have done already.

 

But back to feeling too old to be on here.

I find it hard to relate to many posts and forums - but at the same time - EDs are similar at the core so I can relate to "almost" anyone...just not the specifics, but deep at the root - the ED itself.

 

But yes, it is uncomfortable to be asked advice from a teen when I could be their mother.

I just started to travel into this section of MPA.....and I am thankful it is here .

 

I hope to get to know you wonderful people and be more active in the 40 plus forum.

 

xoxoxo


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#44 Guest_Botanicals_*

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Posted 13 October 2016 - 11:24 AM

 

Which is something I am doing through fasting.

whoa, right? Still sounds ED?
But it's not.

I have to abstain to be able to create and implement new coping skills that do not revolve around food.

I guess, dealing with life without food as a coping skill....which I am way too old to not have done already.

 

 

 

 

Sorry but I for one am not going to be convinced that's not your ED by any other name.  It's not what people with a good attitude to food do, is it?

 

It doesn't help to deceive ourselves.



#45 spankablebutt

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Posted 13 October 2016 - 11:35 AM

Sorry but I for one am not going to be convinced that's not your ED by any other name.  It's not what people with a good attitude to food do, is it?

 

It doesn't help to deceive ourselves.

You do not have to agree with my methods , or do the same thing, or give any blessings on this journey of self discovery I am on...that's okay.

But I do appreciate you trying to help  by pointing out what you see as ED thinking.

 

But I honestly feel this is the best way, that I know of, to get a grasp on my disordered thoughts about food and enter into a " healthier" more sane relationship with food  and to coexist with my ED.


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#46 Ambient-ringing

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Posted 15 October 2016 - 04:12 PM

Yes!

I feel too old to be on here and too old to STILL be struggling with my ED.

I just turned 39...so almost 40.

I know I should try to enjoy my last year of being in my 30's while I can but it is hard to when I am buying collagen masks and wrinkle cream for my frown lines, lol!

 

I have been dealing with my ED for a little less than 30 years.

This is insane ... and sad.

 

And what makes it worse - is that my therapist told me that EDs are a teenager thing!

What?????

Um, I am far from being a teenager ( and would never want to be a teenager again, oh, the angst) and I STILL have it.

 

But lately, it hit me: I am NOT ready to give up my ED and look for recovery ( because I am too fat).

But it is way past the time to start to work on my thoughts and beliefs about myself, the world and especially , food.

 

Which is something I am doing through fasting.

whoa, right? Still sounds ED?
But it's not.

I have to abstain to be able to create and implement new coping skills that do not revolve around food.

I guess, dealing with life without food as a coping skill....which I am way too old to not have done already.

 

But back to feeling too old to be on here.

I find it hard to relate to many posts and forums - but at the same time - EDs are similar at the core so I can relate to "almost" anyone...just not the specifics, but deep at the root - the ED itself.

 

But yes, it is uncomfortable to be asked advice from a teen when I could be their mother.

I just started to travel into this section of MPA.....and I am thankful it is here .

 

I hope to get to know you wonderful people and be more active in the 40 plus forum.

 

xoxoxo

If my therapist told me that I would be out looking for a new one, that sort of talk can trigger someone. 


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#47 anorexicduty

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Posted 16 October 2016 - 12:16 PM

I've had eating disorder my entire life.  I don't expect it to go away magically either meaning I'll probably die with it.

 

The kids in some of the forums are so tiring. It's like having my own sometimes.  But I like to keep up with the current affairs of E.D.'s.


 
 
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#48 Guest_muscles_*

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Posted 16 October 2016 - 01:34 PM

I feel like a total misfit sometimes (story of my life, really). Too fat to post in the 40+ section and too old to post anywhere else. I tend to lurk. :ph34r:



#49 spankablebutt

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Posted 16 October 2016 - 09:52 PM

If my therapist told me that I would be out looking for a new one, that sort of talk can trigger someone. 

yeah - that was my first gut reaction...but I am torn bc she is right, I am best when fasting...so...ikd


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#50 Guest_Botanicals_*

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Posted 17 October 2016 - 03:44 AM

yeah - that was my first gut reaction...but I am torn bc she is right, I am best when fasting...so...ikd

 

 

I understand she might be right, I can see how that would happen - the feeling better when something destructive is holding you.

 

But her job is to encourage you to health by building you up in positive ways, not saying stuff that encourages self-destructive behvaiour.  

 

What she is saying to you is harmful, even if it is what you want to hear. 


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#51 spankablebutt

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Posted 17 October 2016 - 07:51 AM

I understand she might be right, I can see how that would happen - the feeling better when something destructive is holding you.

 

But her job is to encourage you to health by building you up in positive ways, not saying stuff that encourages self-destructive behvaiour.  

 

What she is saying to you is harmful, even if it is what you want to hear. 

yeah - I worry that she might say that to someone else and really hurt them.

but I can handle it....

but still wrong of her to say.

I agree her job is to encourage positive ways!


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#52 karq

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Posted 17 October 2016 - 06:43 PM

I also feel too old to be hear at 61. but I need some support.
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#53 BernieMc

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Posted 18 October 2016 - 02:48 AM

I'm in my late 40ies and living with an ED for more than 30years now. didn't even know the term "eating disorder" by then....


I am in the same situation as you living almost 3/4 of my life with an ED. I feel very alone and misunderstood but know there must be others like me (and you) somewhere out there in the world. I started of as anorexic without knowing anything about the disease. I was 14 and was 5'5" and 78 pounds. Then I went on to bulimia. My family was chaulk full of mental illness and the world was so different 30 years ago with awareness of EDs. I'm in my 40s now with perfect ceramic teeth because my others became transparent from years of stomach acid. I get compliments on my teeth and fiqure. And I smile and say thank-you but no one knows the cost to my bank account, mental and physical health that led to my perfect teeth and size 0 body in my 40plus age demographic. I want to tell young people about the truth of EDs. But I don't think they would care to listen. Food is my best friend and my capture. I feel so fat right now. I am at my heaviest I have been since my ED. And I have to loose 10 pounds. I tried being at a higher weight but it makes me feel so sluggish and just disqustimg being closer to my proper body mass index. I am disappointed in myself. But can't see any other way.
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#54 BernieMc

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Posted 18 October 2016 - 03:02 AM

If my therapist told me that I would be out looking for a new one, that sort of talk can trigger someone.


Even if your therapist was the most highly educated experienced mental health professional in the world...,I would still say they are completely wrong about saying EDs are a teenage things. That is not true and completely unfair to burden you with this untruth. That is upsetting to me. I wish EDs dissolved as we get older but the pain that caused them to manifest in the first place does not expire. I never felt good about joining a 40plus group but for the first time I think it is really where I belong. I suffered for almost 30 years and maybe can healing communicating with others who have travelled the same lonely journey.
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#55 Ambient-ringing

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Posted 18 October 2016 - 11:49 AM

Even if your therapist was the most highly educated experienced mental health professional in the world...,I would still say they are completely wrong about saying EDs are a teenage things. That is not true and completely unfair to burden you with this untruth. That is upsetting to me. I wish EDs dissolved as we get older but the pain that caused them to manifest in the first place does not expire. I never felt good about joining a 40plus group but for the first time I think it is really where I belong. I suffered for almost 30 years and maybe can healing communicating with others who have travelled the same lonely journey.

Welcome to the community. I joined in the spring and have had my ED for 30+. There are so many good people here to communicate with. I never felt accepted with my ED, even by myself, but people here are very supportive and understanding :)


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#56 PinkAngelWings

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Posted 18 October 2016 - 12:26 PM

Hi everyone! I've been a member on here for over two years (I think!) I'm 40 and feel so terribly old! Reading what the teenagers are suffering just makes me sad. Will most of them have to endure this for the rest of their lives like we have? Is there truly such a thing as recovery? I've battled these demons since 15, with the worst really coming on at 17. I've had good spells and bad spells. Usually emotional trauma sets off a relapse or the feeling of losing control of my life. This relapse has been quite bad. I was underweight last summer. Normal weight this summer. Currently restricting like hell to get underweight again......this has been my life for the last 25 years.....can't see it ever changing now.....xx
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#57 BernieMc

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Posted 19 October 2016 - 10:14 PM

Welcome to the community. I joined in the spring and have had my ED for 30+. There are so many good people here to communicate with. I never felt accepted with my ED, even by myself, but people here are very supportive and understanding :)


Thank-you for your kind words. I feel my ED is my best friend or maybe my only friend. It has taken so much from me but still at the end of the day it is my ED that is waiting to keep my company when I get home from work. 3/4s of my life has been this way. I rarely actually binge huge amounts - generally I eat normal sized meals for a normal sized person. Except I am a small person. I wonder life would be different if I didn't have an ED. Because really the only place I want to be is home anyway.

#58 emma-dilemma

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Posted 20 October 2016 - 10:05 PM

Oh thank god! Other people my age who get it... the relief, I feel like crying in a funny kind of way.

 

I didn't develop my ED until my mid 30's, but by then I had lost my partner (and soul mate) to suicide when I was 4 months pregnant in 2003, and then my step brother died shortly after my daughter was born weighing 1400gm at full term (severe IUGR due to my prenatal depression after losing Trevor) which was hugely traumatic.

I also have BPD (possible Bi-Polar II), BDD and have struggled with addiction for much of my 20's and 30's.

 

I developed my ED after meeting a ~nice guy~ when my daughter was 2 1/2. I thought she needed a father figure so gave up my little inner city flat and moved in to the house he bought in a godawful town outside Melbourne, but he was such an arsehole to me that I relapsed with my substance use/abuse and I developed AN b/p subtype within a year.

I clearly remember my dad saying "aren't you a little too old for this?" (much support! so understand! wow family!  :rolleyes: ) and my shit of a partner was as unhelpful as possible as it was "my problem" so why should he have to get involved with any therapy? I mean, of course he couldn't have contributed to things, right? lol he was such a total shit of a person.

 

Mind you, I guess the body image stuff was always there because even during my drug using days in my 20's I often trained at the gym in powerlifting and developed a thing about body fat levels (as opposed to being thin or BMI- body fat levels are the thing I obsess over more than anything).

Ironically I worked at Jenny Craig when I was both a literal junkie and gym junkie lol... the women would always ask what my secret was and I'd think "oh, if only you really knew" haha

 

I've been stable on opiate replacement therapy for many years now and things like seroquel, valium etc which is good and if my mind worked properly I could have a good life, but I hardly even leave the house and have no friends or social life because of my anxiety and repeating depressive episodes.

 

But now, over the last few years, I've lost my mum to cervical cancer in 2013, my step mum just had a double mastectomy for grade 2, stage 2 breast cancer mid year and a couple of weeks ago my 35 year old sister discovered she has an incurable grade 3 glioma (malignant brain tumour). So that's more stuff to add to the unresolved trauma pile.

 

And due to ongoing MI shit I recently found myself drinking after many years of abstaining which made me gain mad weight, so I have just started Baclofen to help with the cravings as well as my anxiety (it's brilliant!) and now I'm back to restricting and obsessing over my food intake and just... using my ED as a coping mechanism, I guess.

 

Easier to obsess over food than to imagine my 35 year old sister dying slowly over the next few years from a goddamn brain tumour :(

 

Basically I am a recluse and am alive for my 12 year old daughter and our 2 cats only, but aside from that my life is very lonely.

But with all the awful things going on with my family members dying I have found that thinking about food and my body allows me to focus on something other than all of that.

 

Still, that's not the life of a happy person is it?

 

Of course I have been struggling with other manifestations of mental health issues since I was a young girl, it just so happened I latched onto drugs and alcohol at 12-13 rather than an ED. If I had had access to the internet back then and knew about ED's no doubt I would have turned towards the so called ~pro ana~ boards to try and find solace and belonging.

 

Anyway, at the moment I have a really good MI outreach worker who is going to help me relocate back to the city so I can help care for my sister and she's also organising some grief counseling as I haven't had  any, none at all, not even about my partner's suicide.

I just felt too scared to go there as it feels like it will completely overwhelm me, there's so much buried guilt, anger, grief, regret... and then there's my mum and her decision not to have chemo etc because she was into new age rubbish and so died even though her cancer wasn't initially terminal. I was with her when she died and it was brutal and just... horrifying. There was nothing peaceful about her passing.

 

I haven't touched any of it. And now my sister. IDG why so many people I love keep dying before their time but it's freaking me out and I get scared something might happen to my daughter too.

 

So I guess that's how at the age of 45 I find myself retreating back into ED behaviour and the desire to get back down to my old weight and enjoy that insane high I used to feel all the time- I felt like my body was a science experiment and I regret ever trying "recovery" because I honestly believe I could have maintained and been happy. I'm sure I was happy then, despite everything that was going on. I felt so accomplished and elated, every day was full of testing myself and seeing my body change and it was empowering.

 

Maybe it was just my brain starving but I still want that feeling back. Just as long as I don't screw up my daughter (who, miraculously, has a great body image... amazing considering everything really).

 

Anyway, wow, what a long post but there's so much to cover. Sorry for the novel.

 

Em x


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#59 Ambient-ringing

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Posted 20 October 2016 - 10:20 PM

Hi everyone! I've been a member on here for over two years (I think!) I'm 40 and feel so terribly old! Reading what the teenagers are suffering just makes me sad. Will most of them have to endure this for the rest of their lives like we have? Is there truly such a thing as recovery? I've battled these demons since 15, with the worst really coming on at 17. I've had good spells and bad spells. Usually emotional trauma sets off a relapse or the feeling of losing control of my life. This relapse has been quite bad. I was underweight last summer. Normal weight this summer. Currently restricting like hell to get underweight again......this has been my life for the last 25 years.....can't see it ever changing now.....xx

I know just how you feel. I was trying hard to recover over the summer but started restricting again;  it is frustrating to do this so manny times over.  


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#60 Guest_Pixiecat_*

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Posted 22 October 2016 - 07:24 PM

I feel way to old to be here. I've had an ED for 25 years. How sad is that?? Therapy didn't help. I KNEW what I was doing was harming my body. I don't like to take unnecessary meds. Honestly, do I need any?? I just need to STOP STUFFING MY FACE when I get an emotion. Any emotion.

Reading the posts of the really young people breaks my heart. I want to go back in time and tell myself it's not bad to be you. I try to leave positive posts when I can, but as a former youngster, it's a moot point.

There are good and bad aspects to this site. I have found a lot more positive than negative. That is a good thing. Especially when my ED isolates me from my life. Every shred of support helps.
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